Chapter 50

A few minutes later a gurney was brought into my room to take me to some tests. I hated the feeling that I had done something to set me back so badly. I laid on the gurney as Richie walked in. “hey Jon how you feeling .. “ he frowned “where are you going?”

I sighed knowing he was going to be angry with me again but then he was angry with me last night. “Doc wants to run some tests and I ache too much to sit up in the chair.... I might have set myself back ...” I whispered not wanting to say it loud enough for him to hear.

“how bad ...” his dark eyes pinned me.

“I could have caused my kidney to swell..” he was walking with me towards the testing area.

“Damn it fuckin Jon...” he growled shaking his head “D's gonna have your head if she finds out...” He sighed as they took me into the area for testing.

He set in the chair in the room while I was run through tests by the time they got done I was feeling even worse. Doctor Kohn's face when she looked through the results while were there were not promising she didn't say anything to me just told them to take me back to my room. I looked at Richie as he helped the orderlies push me back to my room and put me back to bed. I felt like crap my whole left side was killing me. I laid on my right side and rested my head against the pillow. Richie set in the chair by my bed. I looked at him “I am kind of scared Rich...what if I did something really stupid...”

Rich sighed “I don't know bud … but I'll stay here … with you.. Ma and Pop are with D at the trial starting today. I promised I'd sit with you while they were there. Don't think this absolves you of pulling that shit last night. “ he reminded me of announcing who gave me their kidney. He rested a hand on my arm when Doc came I with a nurse about an hour later. . We both swallowed seeing her holding tubing. THAT was not a good sign.

“Doc?” my voice was kind of faint staring at that.

“Jon the tests were not good...” She shook her head holding the folder. “your kidney is swollen … and we are worried with the trouble before we have to watch the output …I am thinking we are going to have to have you transferred back to Riverview...” She sighed “we are also going to have to put you back on the catheter till we can arrange for the transport...”

My heart dropped into my stomach and a fought a tear that ran down my face. I closed my eyes “back to the hospital?! “ My voice was hoarse. I didn't want to be shoved back into the hospital but I Knew I had sent my health back. Doctor Kohn didn't look promising. Why the fuck did I do what I did. Why the fuck did I have to be so fuckin stubborn. MR Macho have to do what I want. Now I had fucked up. I looked at Richie who's face was as pale as mine my head dropped to the pillow. “shit D is going to kill me....”

“Jon I warned you of this possibility when you started on the rehabilitation...” Doctor Kohn stated softly. “its why we have the patients take it slowly … it was why I was reluctant to even let you GO to the awards last night. ….. your body is still in a state where over doing things can cause consequences.” She set the folder on the side while the male nurse walked over to the side of the bed. “Richie could you please the room while we set Jon back up ...”

He looked at me “can I stay Doc … “ he could tell I was upset. “I won't look man I just don't want to leave him on his own .. He's already upset enough...” He stated even though he still was angry I knew he was trying to be there for me.

She looked at me but I just nodded my head I didn't care Richie had seen me at my worse. A few embarrassing minutes later where a screen hid me from Richie for a second I was propped up against the pillows with the bag hanging off my bed. This sucked. I didn't want to go back into the hospital. “Doc?”

She looked up from where she was checking my other vitals. “Yes Jon...” She was writing in the chart by my bed.

“is there anyway …. I'll do anything … you ask of me please don't send me back into the hospital … please....” The idea of being shoved back in there setting like a cold stone in my stomach.

Chapter 49

When I woke next morning I felt more than achy, I felt like a steam truck had ran over my body in every way it could, lifting my arms was like being asked to lift a ton weight. Struggling I managed to adjust myself from lying to sitting, and breathlessly sat, with beads of sweat forming just as Teri walked in with my breakfast tray.
She eyed me and stood next to the bed before speaking and placing the tray on my bed table. "Morning Jon, So Doc tells me you walked at the awards last night?, how's you feel this morning?"
I was not sure if she was asking out of concern or if she was mocking me.
"You care?"
hurt flickered across her face... "Hell yeah I care, I have gotten to know you, .... I'm struggling to understand why you did that though?, you have set yourself right back bud?, and ok, its none of my business but I gotta ask why?, doc told you the score, why risk it eh?"
"its simple, it was not Jon Bon Jovi winning the award it was Bon Jovi, Teri, how could I go on stage and lap it all in sympathy?, eh?, I couldn't do it....... and right now I wish I hadn't, I feel like shit," my eye's looked over and out of the window, the sun was rising and it looked to be a great sunny day,..... in my room.... heavy dark clouds were looming...
"well, lets start you back on track ok, eat your breakfast and I'll be back...." she walked to the door and turned just before she left.... "oh Jon, I get it!" smiling she left.

Lifting the covers on my food, I thought at least someone understands. When I first met teri, I was not sure what to think of her. She was pushy but direct, and I wanted to hate her, but as the months had gone on I respected her and had really gotten to know and like her. lifting  the spoon of oatmeal to my mouth  I smiled to myself, just as Doc walked in.

"Good Morning Jon, how are we feeling today?"
she moved round to the window and perched on the ledge as she studied me and my movements.
I didn't want her to know how bad I was hurting so tried like always to make lighter than it was.
"I'm ok, just ache a little?"
"Really? so moving your arms and legs is no big thing this morning?"
I felt trapped and like I was being asked a trick question and there was a danger in the Docs voice that gave me the warning... I decided on telling the truth.
"Ok, I hurt all over Doc, but I only walked 15 metres to the stage and back, I do more than that in rehab.... I don't get it...."
"Yeah Jon, you do walk more than rehab, but you are aided the whole time. Why did I tell you to use the chair?"
now I felt like I was being scalded by my teacher, and I was being asked a question that my dumbass could not answer.
"ok, I get it, I went against your rules.....but Doc you need to understand why, but then you won't care..."
"Really Jon, acting like a sulking school boy will get you no where. it matters not why you did it, I can only surmise that you don't care about anyone but what you want?"
I glared at her I was so angry, I had to explain and make her see why I had risked everything.
"Right, so you are perfect then are you Doc?, never make mistakes? well?"
"no Jon I am not perfect, but I am not the one in question here you are?"
"Look do me a favour Doc, stop trying to lecture me like your my mom, ok, I am old enough to make my own choices, and until last night I had done everything you had asked, and more right?"
"Right but..."
"No, you need to listen to me this time, this is a two way street." taking a breath I paused and gathered my thoughts and spoke again much calmer.
"Last night,,,, seeing my peers, seeing all my friends... was , well, good but not good, the look on their faces seeing me in the chair showed me the pity they felt for me. it hurt ya know, being shown pity. that's not what I am about or Bon Jovi. Robin Williams made a speech about me, and they put the spotlight on me front and centre. man it was awful, then I spent the rest of the night wanting to be anywhere but there. all my thoughts were thinking about having to use the ramp and be pushed on stage to get the award......... I-I just could not do it....."
"I'm sure no one looked at you in pity, that's what you thought and what you wanted to see..."
"you were not there, I was...so when they announced us as the winner, I stood...... rich and the guy's helped me to the stage, you see Doc, it was not about Jon Bon Jovi getting the award, this was about Bon Jovi being honoured with an award and that mean Tico, Dave and Rich too."
She looked at me, and surrendered and accepted why I had done what I had... I looked over to her and apologised...
"Ok, well lets run some tests and see what damage you have done ok?, nurse will be in shortly to take some bloods."
I was worried, and scared... nervously I asked... " what's the worst thing I could have done?"
"caused your kidney to swell, but lets hope its not that bad...finish your breakfast.. I'll see you later with the results."
as she left the room, I ate my breakfast and prayed real hard that I had not done anything to serious, but the way my body was feeling, I feared the worst.

Chapter 48

The rest of the night went slow, and although Richie spoke to me, I sensed the atmosphere building between us. Dave and Teek were oblivious and just chatted away.

I needed to talk to rich, I know I had done it all wrong, but at the initial moment, it just seemed right. Why shouldn't everyone know Rich was the reason I was alive? either way, the internal argument and turmoil I felt could not take away what I had done was wrong. Man if Rich had done that to me, I would have screamed from the roof tops and sulked like a dumbass. I had to respect the man, and somehow put it right.

At the end of the night, as we left with each celebrity waiting on the car table to be told when their chauffer had arrived. the distance between Rich and me was now blatantly obvious, this time Teek and Dave picked up on the vibes too.
Dave was the first to ask as we sat back in the car for the ride home, the award wedged between Rich and me.
"So what's eating Rich?, you aint spoke to Jon since the stage? what's your beef man?"
for the second time that night, Rich gave the stink eye. " Leave it ok Dave.... Just leave it..."
"ok..."
Dave shook his head and looked out of the window, as Teek took up the conversation. "Rich, seriously man, we were having a great time, but..... I dunno its like you want away from us all...what we done Eh?"
"Teek, leave it man, you aint done nothing... ok...."
Rich turned his head away and I could see his jaw clench, his hands hanging between his thighs and clenched in a fist. this time I had to speak.
"rich, I'm sorry, really, I'm sorry... I should not have announced it at the awards... but..."
"no, forget it Jon, ok, I told you I never wanted to be acknowledged as the donor that saved your life, I told you that man.... now I look like I'm saint fucking Richie....wtf"
"I know I'm a dumbass..."
"No Jon, Your a fucking assole..."
"Ok, assole.. but you gonna just ignore me then?, I said I'm sorry..."
"Yeah that's right, as long as you say your sorry then everything is fine right?, well Jon this time it aint..... so can you just shut the fuck up and leave me alone please... really" holding his hand in the air inches from my face he shook his head, "I just don't wanna talk to you or anyone right now ok..?"
I gave in and just sighed and all of us sat in silence as we headed back to the rehab centre.

As the driver pulled the car to a halt, I asked Teek if her could help me back to my room, he was about to answer when rich butted in, "Look I said I would pick you up and bring you back, just cause one of us is an assole, don't me I gotta be too." Rich got outta the car and met driver round back by the trunk. Teek looked at me and winked, "Don't stress it Jon, he'll be fine ok, when the ladies come hovering offering their attention he'll be right you'll see..."
I smiled at Teek, "I hope so bud.." then we both lent forward and hugged, same with Dave, then with the award in my hands I edged to the open door, got out and into the chair Richie was stood behind.

Before he took me inside I thanked the driver, then without another word Richie pushed me back into rehab.
I was aching and my back and sides and legs were hurting real bad, but I kept quiet, but as we reached my room, and Richie helped me out and assisted me getting undressed on more than one occasion I flinched. When he saw it, his mood changed and the caring Richie I knew was looking at me concern etched on his face.
"You ok?"
fighting back the tears, I nodded. as he eased my legs into bed, he saw me grimace again, "Jon, what the fuck?"
"with a weak voice I answered..." Really, I'm ok, just over done it I guess..." damp beads of sweat had begun to break out on my forehead, Rich saw and took off outta the room to get a nurse.
through the door in minutes was my Doctor with Rich, a serious concerned look on her face.

"Jon, Rich tells me you walked tonight?"
meekly I nodded.
"I see, so all my talks completely ignored then?"
"Look honestly Doc, I just wanted to do it for the guy's... I...."
"Right, and when you die because of doing it for the guys, will that be your memorial and how you want to be remembered?"
I shook my head...
"Right, so you have just put your body back in time Jon, and I hope I can repair the damage you have done.... " she turned and left the room but returned with an injection, and without anymore talk she injected into my arm..... and it all went black.......

Chapter 47

The evening was running a full speed, the drinks were flowing and everyone but me was having a good time, looking at the guys they whooped and cheered for every artist that won an award, Madonna had already collected her award for best female artist, her attitude fitting in with her ego. Teek congratulated her as she sat back down at the table, and let me tell ya, not much shocks teek but her reply did. "about muther fucking time they realised how fucking hot and good I am, this is owed to me not deserved." kissing the award she sat down and gave a two finger salute in the air. I'm not denying that she has talent, but this broad was more like a guy than a women, and it was ugly to watch. My mind drifted for a moment and my thoughts, about Madonna, and about if a guy climbed into bed with her, and couldn't help smiling as an image of her throwing the guy down on the bed and having sex with him, she would sure the hell be a badass bitch between the sheets as in real life, and the guy had better not have any preconceptions about making love to her, cause she would fuck him up real good.

 

More clapping and cheering that brought my attention and was snapped back to the events unfolding and the award I had been dreading, The best Band, my heart halted in my mouth, which was dry and I could not swallow as Robin, ran through all the nominee's sure to god we were in the nominations.

 

Hardly able to breathe I waited for the announcement, dragging it out making it more painful, Robin called Cher to the stage to make the final announcement of the winner and the presentation.

I muttered under my breath, "for the love of god, just announce the winner already"

Bono's hand rested on my shoulder as he leaned in and whispered "Good luck man" I smiled and nodded and wished him the same.

 

Cher stood in front of the mic and muttered those immortal words, "And the winner is............."  my heart was pounding so hard I was sure it was gonna leap outta my chest, the tension was surreal, and she dragged it out for the longest time... finally she announced the winner...... 

"Bon Jovi....."

whoops and cheers, and clapping, rang out all around us, the spotlight hitting us all front and centre, capturing Rich and the guy's all high fiving each other, I smiled at them, but I was sad, and scared, the moment had come to go up on stage. I don't know why, I guess all my senses left me for a millisecond as I stood, rich looked at me,  I was determined I would not use the chair, no way.... I returned the look and he could see the pleading in my eye's so, said nothing and took my arm, the guys all  saw and fitting in around me too, as slowly we all walked to the stage.

I knew I was gonna have to face the shit tomorrow, but it was my body, and I wanted to do it my way, this was Bon Jovi's moment not just mine, the guys deserved the recognition. and as I've said;  the chair was a symbol of pity for me, and I sure the hell was not gonna allow that to happen.

 

 On stage slowly we reached Cher, leaning in she hugged and kissed each of us and then handed the award to me. I took a moment to read the inscription on the plaque, and could not stop smiling.  I looked out to the audience and was about to make a thank you speech, but was stopped as the whole audience were on the feet still clapping and cheering for us.

 

Our peers were giving us a standing ovation, I was blown away, I looked to the guys, who had all stood back and were clapping too, as the penny finally dropped, I realised they were all standing for me. 

Now faced with the facts, I realised it was not out of pity, but respect for what I had gone through, boy my attitude had been wrong, Swallowing back my tears,  I cleared my throat and lent forward and spoke into the mic. 
.

 

"thank you." I paused and waited for the clapping to stop, as the ripples died down to a single clap I spoke." thank you, you know, we are a small town bar band from New jersey, and receiving this award means we have now hit our first target... we have conquered our first mountain, and  without the support and help of our fans, family, friends, well.... we would not be standing here...... so; thank you and...... we love you all" astounding rings of the clapping resounded in my ears as I stood back to let Rich say a few words, I just looked out at the audience taking it all I., As Rich ended his speech he stood back, to let Dave and Teek say there thanks too, as Teek stood back I lent forward to the Mic again.  

The clapping almost stopped instantly,  

"Sorry, before we go I just want to touch on something that you all have a need to know, Glancing across at Richie I continued,"  I promise I'll keep it short and it wont be an Oscar speech." Ripples of laughter was heard, then as  the laughter died and the silence descended again and, completely focused I began.  

 

"So anyone that knows me will tell ya, I'm a real pain in the butt and a total workaholic,  I paused and looked at the guy's who were nodding in agreement, " thing is, it's just cause I never want to let anyone down, my work ethic is you keep going till ya cant keep going anymore..... let me say that ethic is now under reconstruction., and for good reason..." 

I had the audience they were hanging on my every word... as I carried on...   

" As everyone now knows  at the end of the last tour, and after our last night on stage I collapsed. ......, yeah I know the press were told it was exhaustion, and some of that is true, but it was more than that...."

"During the tour I had issues with my voice, hitting the B flat's night every night, caused damage to my chords. the guy's told me to rest, but I carried on after being given steroids. A temporary fix to my problem."

"and that was the problem, due to the months of abuse, my body could not take it anymore and it resulted in my body shutting down and me having kidney failure. Sure, I had dialysis for months, but even that was no good. I needed a donor to live." taking a pause I continued.... " And I am very pleased to say, a match was found......" I looked to my left and saw Richie shaking his head, his eyes pleading with me not to do it, but I carried on.... it was time everyone knew that Rich had saved my life.....

" Ladies and gentlemen, Pease share the love and give it up for my donor and my band brother and Mr Richie Sambora..."

the audience erupted, screams, whistles, clapping cheering, and another standing ovation this time for Richie. He looked pretty pissed as he stood at the mic. for the first time in my life Richie Sambora gave me the stink eye.

 

 

 

Chapter 46

I was met with whistles as rich and I walked back into my room, my mom had a smile a mile wide and tears in her eyes. She walked over to me and kissed me and held my face and kept calling me her baby over and over.

Rich saw my discomfort and moved to the door to distracted my mom,

"so, that's us then I guess, you ready Jonny?" I nodded so my mom would release me from her gentle embrace. she did and wished me luck, then Dot leant in and kissed me and said

"I'll see you tomorrow and you can tell me all about it. and Jon, behave ok?, we want no relapses"  again I  nodded. I just wished I could have walked like every one else, I was not comfortable having to go in the wheelchair, but if I wanted to attend the award that was the only way it would happen, so I sat waiting. 

Rich wedged the door open and came back for me, and got behind my chair, "so you ready for the ride of your life bro?" I looked up and back at him, "You bet your sweet ass I am." "Right lets go!" Both Rich and I saluted to my mom and Dot as Rich set off at a fast pace out of the rehab centre to the waiting limo.

 

As I got in, Teek and Dave were all ready inside. "Hey Jon, you look smart." the banter started. "Do I?"

"Yeah, your not as good looking at me though."

"Is that right Dave"

"well yeah, one I'm younger than you, 2, I'm more sexy than you,..."

I couldn't help myself and finished his next sentence for him..." and three, you have a bigger head than me..." Teek laughed, "that told you. seriously you look good jon."

"Thanks Teek, I feel great, just wish I could walk.... it's embarrassing being in the chair ya know?"

"Why?"

"cause, well it is... I hate being treated like a cripple... especially when I can walk... I feel a fraud..."

"Jon, man, are you for real?, you have been at deaths door and have recovered to be here where you are today and your worried because you still need the aid of a chair?"
"It's not about worrying Teek... " I thought on what I wanted to say, but before I could answer

Dave joined in too, "Man how you think people cope when they have to use one forever cause they are paralysed?, sorry Jon but your being ungrateful."

Then Rich carried on, " I guess it's not cool right as far as the Bon Jovi image goes, aint that it Jon?."
"no that's not it at all Rich, look I've worked so hard to get where I am, I just think I deserve being able to stand on my own two feet now... that's all..."

"well as good as your doing Doc say's chair so I'm going with that... and no what, so are you Jon, so please stop whining ok, lets enjoy the night..." the guy's second Rich, which left me out numbered and having to ride with it.
thankfully spirits were high and the banter started again, and continued until we reached the venue.

The limo pulled up kerbside, Rich lent forward and spoke to the driver, it was decided that he will get the chair from the trunk and set it up passenger side, then Rich could push me round to join Dave and teek as they got out on to the red carpet. Dave and Teek nodded and agreed to wait until Rich tapped on the window to tell them to get out, that way we all arrived together.

The car rocked and the drivers door slammed as he went to the trunk, in a minute the chair was along side the door and it was time to make my move. The door opened and Rich got out first then assisted me to stand before getting me settled in my chair. "You want the throw on your legs?" rich had my reply I just gave him the stink eye, "I guess not" he laughed " so you ready" "Yeah, I'm ready, lets do this.."
Rich tapped the window and then pushed me round to the red carpet, like clock work we met with Dave and Teek, together with the flashing of camera's and press. We all posed briefly before moving along to the entrance.

The TV crew and TV camera's were set up by the entrance all trying to catch a word with the bands as they entered. Rich lent down, "you wanna go straight past?" "Yeah" I was not ready for the intimate questions they would ask, just in front of us was Bono from U2, Rich caught his attention and he hung back to chat, allowing Areosmith and Steve to have their moment first.
"Yo Jon, good to see you, how's it hanging?"
"Good thanks, getting better. Listen can you do me a favour?"
He nodded, "Sure"
"Can you distract the TV crew I want to slip by them, I'm not ready for there questions yet?"  he lent down and hugged me, "You know me Jon, I'll do what I can for yer." his thick Irish accent, confusing Rich and the guy's, if I'm honest I only understood small bits he said too, but I was sure he would do as I asked. He took off and caught up with his band mates, while we hung back a little until he was next to face the camera crews, then we moved faster than road runner and went inside without any questions.

The venue was fancy and in true American style dressed out for an award ceremony not befitting the Oscars, I smiled to myself as we were lead to our table. We were on the middle table G which was centre to the stage, to the left there was a ramp, useful considering I was in a wheel chair, as directly in front of the table and leading to the stage were ten steps.
Dave, Teek and Rich were talking among themselves taking in the atmosphere, I too was absorbing the surroundings but making notes as to who was on our table. Michael Jackson had been honoured with a nomination and don't get me wrong he is a brilliant entertainer but when we met sometime ago, we didn't exactly hit it off, reason why I'll not go into, lets just say I was relieved to not see his name on my table or on the tables next to us.

It turned out we were sitting with Bono, Steve Tyler, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper and Cher. We were the first to arrive the others arrived in dribs and drabs shortly after.

The start of the awards, the lights dimmed and we were asked to put our hands together for the host of the evening Robin Williams. Whoops and cheers greeted him as he took to the stage.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you, I can't tell you what an honour it is for me to be here tonight to present these awards, so I won't..."immediate laughter and for ten minutes more Robin carried on building the audience, he only stopped the gags when he knew the audience were with him one hundred percent, then he began his job of presenting.

" Tonight as we all sit among music legends, there is one man that has fought harder than anyone to be here tonight,..... he has over come a near death experience, and thankfully won, so ladies and gentlemen, honoured music maestros please be upstanding and put your hands together for the one and only  Mr Jon Bon Jovi"
the spotlight hit me front and centre, my heart was beating widely in my chest, but ever the professional I just waved my arms to the camera's and the crowds who were clapping and cheering, praying that they would move on quickly. they didn't however and it carried on for what seemed like forever.
As the clapping died down and the spotlight left, I held my head down in shame, and I wished to god that I had never come, the last thing I wanted was pity and from where I was sitting that is what I was getting, the smooze and smaltz.... I turned to Richie,
"Can you get me outta here?"
he looked at me with a puzzled expression, and asked "What?"
I could not answer him loud enough as they had already starting with the presentations and the noise from the audience had hit deafening proportions, defeated I just sat back and watched the awards unfold, now praying we did not have to go on stage and accept one, now, I really did not want us to win.  

Chapter 45

As Mike took me back to my room, waiting inside was Dot and my ma.
"Hey Jon, good workout?"
I was soaked to the bone in sweat as I answered, "nah it was easy today" I scowled at them both for their stupid question.
Dot picked up on it, my ma blanked me.
"Ok Jon we were only asking, let me say sarcasm has never been your strong point. Just stick to what ya good at ok?"
Dot said it serious, with danger and an opening for me to start a fight, I decided to stay quiet, tonight was a celebration and I was sure the hell not gonna start anything least of all now.

Dot waited for a come back, but when I said nothing, she her voice softened

"I brought your suit for tonight, and some casuals, I didn't know what you wanna wear."
" Richie ain't said, can you call him and ask?"
Dot nodded and headed out to use a payphone just as Richie walked in.
Both ma, me and Dot laughed, causing Rich to turn and see who we were laughing at, "what's so funny? What I miss?"
Still laughing I  dismissed it, "it's nothing honest, private joke right ladies?" both nodded as the giggling died down. 
To move on from the laughter as Rich was looking confused and I could feel an atmosphere building, I asked "so, is it tux tonight or casual?"
"both, tux and casual."
"both? Rich, I can't change twice? It's one or the other?"
"tux then it's an award ceremony after all."
"so you think we can win?
Sure I was excited but nervous too, but I believed we had done enough to win voicing it to Richie I said it with conviction. "hell yeah, why not, we have worked hard, and we god damn deserve it, we have worked our asses off for the last two years."
Rich stood by my mom, as he answered, "Yeah, true, bro, and, harder than the other critic favourites too, if we don't, we can give um the sob story eh?" Rich was smiling but as he said it the smile faded fast... "I'm such a dumbass, that was real stupid of me, sorry, forget it Jon."

looking over at Rich, it suddenly dawned on me, were we getting this award because of what had happened to me or cause of our music.

Rich saw my expression, "Oh no, don't go down that road Jon, I said it in jest, forget it... ok?"

I nodded my head, and tried to shake it off, but in the pit of my stomach the niggle of doubt had set in. Trying to sound more cheerful than I felt I asked

 "so ya gonna help me dress?"
"sure" lifting my suit from the closet we went into my bathroom.

"You gonna want a shower right?"

"Well yeah, I aint gonna put my best tux on covered in sweat am I?"

"You want me to go fetch Mike?"

"no, you can help me Rich,"

"You sure?"

"rich, I'm showering, ok?, I can wash myself, you just need to help me stand and watch I don't slip ok?"

nodding his head he answered "Oh, ok"

stripping out of my wet training clothes, Richie let out a gasp. I looked around and at the door unsure what it was he was gasping at. Not seeing anything I asked... "What?"

"You?"

"What about me?"

"Your arms?, your chest?"

"What?"

"you been pumping iron?"

"well yeah, in a way I guess, why is something wrong?"

he stammered his reply, "n-n-n no, I'm just shocked you have built yourself up so well"

I was feeling a little self conscious having my body scrutinised." so, ya gonna stand there ogling what you wished ya had or ya gonna help me?"

moving over to my side he helped me to remove the rest of my clothes. then pushing me to the shower he helped me stand, finding my body weight and holding onto the hand rail I ran the shower and washed the sweat from my body. All washed Richie helped towel me dry, then helped me dress in my tux. just as we were leaving the bathroom he turned me to see my reflection in the mirror, staring back at me, was a thinner, but healthier looking me, I smiled at the reflection as Rich opened the door to my room and we entered. 

chapter 44

So It was all set, the awards show was in twenty four hours time, Doc had made sure I was good to go, but until the time came to leave with the guys; she warned me if there was a hint of any possible complications she would pull the plug, and I'd have to stay at rehab and see the guys; presenting and collecting the award on TV.

Not wanting to rock the boat, I just agreed and did everything I was told to,  making sure I had the best chance, to get out and away from the drone of rehab, at least to feel normal again; for a couple of hours anyway, even though I had to go in a chair.

The Doc was adamant about that. Truth be known I wasn't comfortable about it but right now I'd agree to anything.

 

Richie had left some time ago, and so had teek and Dave, and Dot had headed home with my ma, both excited about the baby, for the first time for ages I was alone, alone  with just my thoughts, thoughts where I could focus and use my brain again, for other than working to get better.

 The enormity of all I had gone through, sinking in; to reach where I am.

 

Firstly I was one lucky son of a bitch, and second, I was gonna be a pop. No matter how hard I tried I could not stop the nervous knots in the pit of my stomach from somersaulting every time I thought about the baby, then add the AMA's on top of that, and I was in awe. I tried to settle down to sleep, but my mind would not switch off, it was like a tape recorder, replaying all the best bits over and over.

Shuffling back up the bed, I reached the remote and flicked on the TV, maybe there would be something on that could distract me and make me drowsy.

 

the TV sprung to life and immediately my room was filled with voices chattering as I hopped from one channel to another. I finally settled on a old movie, and shuffled down in my bed to watch,  but I could not concentrate, the movie was good, but I just could not settle my mind to get into what was on the screen.

 

With a huge sigh I admitted defeat and clicked the set off, dropping the remote on my lap, I laid my head back and just gave in to my over active mind, praying that it would tire soon enough.

At some point I must of tired as I was being awoke by mike, letting me know the new day had arrived.

 

"morning Jon, time to wake up."

"Huh?"

"C'mon sleepy head, time to greet the day..."

I laid for a few minutes trying to focus my eye's and wake up, Mike was making himself busy getting out my work out clothes, and douche bag.

""So, you excited but tonight?"

It came back to my in a flash, the AMA's, "yeah,  we have never been the critics favourites so this is special. It proves all the pain..." Mike interrupted, " and near killing yourself was worth it?" He stood looking at me with his head on one side and a wry smile on his lips.

Wryly I smiled and answered back, "Yeah"

"well, Doc says light exercise for you only today given you are gonna have a busy day and night, so when you have had breakfast I'll be along to take you to showers ok?"

I nodded.

I watched as Mike left the room, and Teri walked in with my breakfast.  "Morning Jon, how are you feeling today?"
"Great Thanks"
"So tonight's the night huh?"
"Yeah"
"you nervous?"
"Nah, excited, its the first time my band has been nominated for an award, critics always slam us."
"Why?"
"I dunno, they would quote things, like "Jon Bon Jovi, living on his hair..." they would never look at the writing, our voices, our ability to please the fans, nope they just had to have a pop at us, but ya know what, that was ok, cause it just made me work even harder....and now, here we are."
" well, for the record, I like your music, and I am happy to admit I have a couple of your CD's in my car, The bands all cool with me."
"thanks"

After our chat Teri placed my cereal in front of me, and instructed me to eat it all, and that I know the drill by now.  then left me alone to eat, looking down at the bowl it was porridge again. The Doc was certainly gonna push me one way or another, so preparing myself I took the first spoonful and the second, and the third, and the next and the next until the bowl was empty, But looking at my tray I still had Toast and Jelly to eat and a grapefruit and coffee. Not being a big eater,  I had to pace myself and eat it in sittings.
Teri stuck her head round the door half hour later, "you done?"
"Not quite, have I really gotta eat all this? " there was still a slice of toast and the grapefruit left.
"Doc said all of it, or you aint going tonight."
"Well if I eat all this, I aint moving anywhere cause I'll be so fat, my legs won't carry me. Please?" I gave Teri my best hung dog look."
She looked at me, then moved forward to see what was left on the tray. " Ok, I'll make you a deal, finish the toast and Jelly and I'll take the rest away."
" Awe c'mon Teri, seriously?, man I'm stuffed " lifting my shirt I pointed at my swollen belly, "C'mon have a heart?"
She looked at my exposed flesh, and my hung dog expression and relented.
" ok, Just this once." then she grabbed the last piece of toast and bit into it as she took my tray away.
Reaching the door, she looked back and spoke, "fifteen minutes and Mike will be here to take you to showers." I raised my hand and nodded as she left my room and the door closed behind her.
Reaching for the remote I clicked the TV to life, hopping through the stations I settled on the Entertainment, They were talking abut the AMA's,

"Tonight, America prepares for one of the most prestigious award ceremonies, with the AMA's, top bands from all over the USA, all hoping to win an award. The top ten nominees include, Guns n roses, Aerosmith and Bon Jovi., so, who do you want to win?, Call us now on  1-800-517-8856 and  as a once in a lifetime opportunity, the network is giving away 2 tickets to the awards, so if you wanna mingle with the stars, tell us who and why your band should win and if your our caller on line one, your going"  .... "more after this break..." the commercials came on the TV just as mike called in and took me to showers, it was cheesy but I wanted to know if anyone would call in and say my band...... something I guess I would never know.

 

 

Chapter 43

Mike came and got me and we headed to take a shower I had a new purpose in my life. I was going to fight to get better and back on my feet. I was going to take my meds without arguing I was going to eat everything they gave me. I was going to fight tooth and nail to get back to the man I was. My life would change but for the better. I was going to make sure I was there for my son or daughter. I was going to be well and be able to do things with my child. I got my shower and headed out to do my physical therapy. I worked hard for a couple hours not arguing or putting up a fuss when it came to moving along the bars. I wanted to go home soon.

I was headed back to my room when Richie and the guys arrived. They looked a bit worried like something was up. They also had an envelope with them. “hey.. “ I looked at them as I set in the chair by the window. “what's up...” I hadn't been watching tv I was concentrating on my lunch. Dot sat next to me eating her own lunch.

Richie set the envelope. “we got a call today … Jon we are up for a couple awards at the AMA's... New Jersey is up for album of the year and we are up for Band ...” He fiddled with the envelope. “they want us there also to present. ..” He set in the chair by me. “I know you're doing better man but we have to talk to your doctors about this first “

I sat in my chair looking at them. Nominated presenting award shows that just didn't seem to resonate in my head. I hadn't even thought about any award shows coming up and granted I had been far too sick to even think on the Grammy's when they were happening. At the time I was struggling to stay alive. I looked at Dot thinking on this I wanted to go sure I did but presenting and all the hullabaloo that would be in an award show the after parties the sitting with the rest of the audience. I knew my doctor might not approve it and he had the last say though I could probably leave if I wanted to. I caught Dot looking right at me like she could read my mind. I gave her a sheepish grin.

“don't even THINK it Jon.... if she says no then you ain't going … “ She stated firmly. “now don't you have something to tell the boys...” She raised her eyebrow at me.

I blushed sometimes it was weird having her able to know what I was thinking before I said it. I nodded turning to the guys with a big shit ass grin on my face. “Congratulate me guys … I am going to be a dad...” the room erupted in yells and hoots and hollers bringing my doctor into the room. My ears turned red as the guys hugged me. “Hey Doc....”

“Jon is everything alright in here... “ She stood there with her hands holding a clipboard. She hadn't been in much to see me unless it was to check my weight or how my vitals were. She moved in closer.

“yeah Doc everything’s fine ...” I shrugged. I looked at the guys then back at her. “just letting the guys know the good news...” Richie looked at me then at the envelope. “uhm Doc … can I talk to you a minute...” She nodded and sat down. “see we I just got nominated for a couple awards at the American Music awards … and they want us to present...” I rushed this all out in one sentence.

Doctor Kohn frowned “when is this ?”

“uhm .. next week... on Tuesday ...” Richie admitted. “Look I know Jon's getting back on his feet and everything...” he was cut off.

“we will see.. but if he does go … there will have to be conditions for the day pass one of them will be you'll have to use a wheelchair Jon your still not strong enough to handle all that much walking... you are doing better but we don't want you to end up setting yourself backwards.... also you are going to have to be careful …because of the meds you take no alcohol and have to watch to make sure you are not in contact with anyone who's got a cold or sick...”

Tico frowned “anyone?”

“yeah … Teek... the immune meds so I don't reject the kidney knocks it down .. so I could get sick.. and be back in the hospital so fast it'd make my head spin..” I stated quietly surprising Doctor Kohn.

Chapter 42

I sat stunned into silence by what Dot announced, well over the bombshell she dropped. blinking my eye's over and over taking it in, in total disbelief, and feeling like a complete ass I asked, "your pregnant?"
"Yeah I am, or should I say we are Jon... doesn't that seem more important than getting wound up over your pop doing the right thing and getting justice for what Doc and Manning did to you and others?, I think its called prioritising..." I loved Dot with all my heart and she had a way with her to make me see things the way they should be seen.
"I'm angry right  now with you too Jon, and I'm pissed so bad.."
perplexed I asked "Why?"
"because I did not want to tell you like that, I wanted to tell you the news so we could enjoy it together, but when you get pissy, I had to do something to get you to focus..."
My mom, who was sat on the chair over the far side, had tears in her eye's, Dot moved over to her, "Hey ma, I am sorry for blurting it out like that," my ma smiled at Dot and just got up and hugged her real close, no words being spoken, but they shared a moment together as mother and daughter. I felt left out, and in many ways I was. I had to break in to their moment.
"Babe, when did you find out?"
Dot turned from my mom and looked at me, her brown eye's moist with tears she had shared with my mom,
"today, I saw Dr Gardia and she confirmed it..."
"why did you not say something before?"
"because I wanted to be sure first,"
I was so happy I could not stop smiling, I was going to be a daddy, Dottie and I were pregnant. "It's nice to see you smile, I had forgotten how gorgeous your smile is."
I took her hand, and raised it to my lips and gently kissed the back of her hand, my lips lingering over her knuckles ever so slightly and blowing warm air and some kisses to each of them too. our eye's met, and I knew no matter what we faced, we would always be together forever, Dot was a strong intelligent woman and she had no fear about losing me to the fans, and that was one of the sexiest things about her, she never needed me, and didn't need me, I guess that was why I loved her and what kept me on the straight and narrow, and now, she had given me the most wonderful gift another human can give another, she was giving me our child, our child that we had made together, the ultimate show of love as man and woman, could life get any better?. Dot was right, my exaggeration and erratic behaviour over my pop was of no importance, now I was given even more to focus on and to work hard at being released from rehab, I had my wife and unborn child waiting and needing me, starting tomorrow, I was gonna push myself harder than ever before.
Raising my eye's to the ceiling, in silent prayer I thanked god for everything....
"So are you with us?"
bringing my eye's back down I focused on Dot and my ma, "Yeah, sorry, I was just thanking god for everything, every now and then it does not hurt to say thank you, does it?"
both nodded in agreement, and Dot added, and for what your pop and Richie has done too. Yeah, they had risked a lot, again for me, jeez I really had been one stubborn stupid piece of ass. I knew tomorrow was gonna be a new day, and a fresh start for all of us, starting with the news to tell Richie and an apology for everything I had put him and my band mates through. When I saw my pop too, I was gonna tell him to remove the animity he had gotten agreed, hell if they wanted me to give evidence I would. right now I could take on the world and win, nothing could stop me the way I was feeling.
The baby news had me fired and I wanted to share the news publicly, I asked Dot, I was ready to schedule a meeting with my publicist and have it announced from the top of the empire state building, but Dot may have other idea's.  trying to sound casual I asked, "So, can we make a public announcement?"
"you want the world to know?"
"Hell yeah, I do... this is just the most amazing day in my life... our lives, don't you wanna share it? "
smiling she replied," look I don't mind our friends and family knowing, but lets leave the rest of the world in the dark until we have our baby, then we can really celebrate eh, time is still young.."
No arguments, she was right, "so we can tell the guys in the band and Richie right?"
she nodded her head.
Terri came back into my room, "Well Jon, you seem in a much better mood, no more frowning, your wife is good medicine for you, that's for sure..."
I looked at Dot, she shook her head, " yeah, I've just been given the most fantastic news ever, and lets just say, starting tomorrow, well I am gonna work harder than ever to get myself outta here, any meals will all be eaten, I need to bulk my strength for what lies ahead for me..." grinning like a cat that got the cream, Terri looked at me puzzled, but smiled and nodded as she answered. "Great, make sure you keep that focus... Mike will be here in ten to get you to the showers... ok?"  this time I nodded.
There was just one more thing I wanted before Terri and the guy's called visiting time to an end with my family, I asked.. "Dot, will you come lay here with me, .... on the bed, I so need to hold you right now?"
she smiled and walked over and climbed on the bed next to me, she slid her arms around my side, and laid her head on my chest, and I just wrapped my arms around her, wanting to protect her forever, she felt so good in my arms, I never wanted to let her go. My ma came over too and sat in the day chair next to us, she laid a protective hand on us both. That's how we stayed until Mike came in  to take me to the showers.

Chapter 41

I gave my mom the stink eye, and sat up in bed glaring at her. when Dot came back with coffee, the atmosphere was heavy. She looked at me then my mom, "ok, what's going on?"
I was definitely heading for a fight, I needed to free my mind and show them once and for all, I was not a little kid that needed wrapping in cotton wool.
"good question, I was gonna ask you the same thing?"
Dot looked at me questioning my abrupt outburst, then spoke, "what's with the stink eye and the questions Jon?"
"your asking me, like you have no idea why I'm pissed?"
"well if I'm asking you, its because I don't know"
"well, why not think?"
"whoa there, have I don't something wrong?"
Dot was frowning and trying to figure what it was she had done wrong, maybe I was being unreasonable, but I could not help myself.
"c'mon Dot think, its not like there's so many things going on that could piss me off?"
"now that's a statement that is laughable, with you, there's more things to piss you off than not, so you gonna tell me, or is my whole visit going to revolve around stupid questions and guessing games?"
This time Dot gave me the stink eye.
I was fidgeting in bed, a sure sign when I'm pissed off, if I had been fit I would have been pacing the room, but my body was not strong enough to do that yet.
"so, you know nothing about my dad and Doc McGhee and Manning, and the court house?... no?"
"Yeah, what of it?"
her nonchalant reply stoked the anger inside me further... "Don't you think I should the fuck have been told?"
"Yeah right, when you were fighting for your life, what a good decision..."
The sarcasm was apparent,
"I did not say while I was fighting for my life, but that has been over for months, I've been in rehab for four months for god sake, Dot, when the fuck were you gonna tell me?, or were you not going to like my over protective ma eh?"
This time, dot paced the room, then looked me straight in the eye and moved in close as she spoke,
"Question for you darling husband?" Her tone was menacing, and I kinda shirked back against the pillows, I knew I had gone to far...
"While you were on tour, and Doc and Manning were pumping your body full of drugs, when did you ever give a moments thought to me, at home? eh?, Ill tell you when Jon, fucking NEVER, that's why your life has been hanging by a thread, that's why me, Richie, your mom, pop have been to hell and back on this roller coaster of your rock lifestyle, and you ask a lame fucking question as to when and if I was gonna tell you about Doc and Manning? grow some balls jon., man up...oh and by the way, Our one night of passion when I stayed over here, well I'm three months pregnant..."

Chapter 40

"Did you see that?"
"See what?"
"Ma, pa on screen, he just walked into the court house... what the fuck..."
I was sitting up bolt right unable to digest what I had seen.
"Well I didn't see, but hey, It's no good guessing Jon, wait until you see your folks then ask him..."
lost in my own thoughts, what Rich has said hardly registered, until I became aware of someone saying my name over and over, "Jon?" Richie and Terri had been calling my name over and over,
I looked up and saw Terri standing there, " Hello, welcome back... So are you gonna eat your meal, or do I have to feed it too you?"
for the second time I looked down at my meal, I managed a weak smile and answered, "I'll eat it, and I'll do it now boss...."
"ok, make sure you do, I will be back in half an hour and I want to see that plate clean."
I smiled, and picked up my fork and began to eat as Terri left my room.
Lifting the spaghetti and meatballs onto my fork I took the first mouthful, I was amazed at how good it tasted and how hungry I was, within minutes the plate was clean, and bemused Richie sat and watched.
"What's so funny?"
"You, the image of a scoop digger springs to mind, watching you shovel in your food." laughing he continued "Seriously man, its good to see you eat..."
Sheepishly I replied "Thanks"
After watching the news, I flicked through the channels but nothing else caught my interest, so I clicked the set to standby. relaxing my arms and dropping the control on the bed, I exhaled a large sigh.
Richie moved from the window ledge and came and sat next to me on the day chair. putting his arm on mine he asked, "You ok?, I know hearing about Manning and Doc is a shock, .... but well it had to be done man, they deserve everything that the law can throw at them, did you know that Doc was smuggling drugs too?"
"what?," for the second time I was stunned by what I heard, first the news channel and now Richie dropping another bomb.
"seriously, you didn't know?"
"How the fuck could I know?, what are you an agent or something for the CIA?"
"Bro, you are saying you never noticed the trips?, the secret packages?, fuck when your in Jovi land you sure are zoned out..."
"Whoa there?, one second, because I did not notice the shit you do, does not mean I am "Zoned out" I focus,... that's all...."
I hung my head, feeling more and more like a failure. Rich had spoke a few to many home truths tonight and it had set me to thinking and figuring I was lot to blame here.
"Jon...Jon..., JON..."
I looked up, "You ok?"
I nodded and hung my head down again.
"no, hang on here, don't do this..."
looking up I replied, "Do what?"
"Go start blaming yourself..."
"I'm not, I wasn't...."
"Oh you so are too, man I know you to well, just stop already... this aint your gig Jon...."
Richie's flow was stopped as into the room walked Dottie and my ma.
After the pleasantries of how well I was looking, Richie excused himself and took off for home.
"until tomorrow bro, and think on what I've said ok?"   But he left the elephant in the room.
I raised my hand in salute and nodded as he walked out of my room.
My ma witnessed Richie's departure and asked, " what have you to think on?"  "Oh, nothing ma, just about rehab and next stage that's all.." she lent in towards me and kissed my cheek, but eyed me suspiciously. Dottie sat in the day chair next to my bed and kissed me and sat holding my hand. "You look good baby, is it hard going?"
"Hell yeah, its like being at a boot camp.. but it's all good.." I flexed my arms, " see building my muscles.." I gave a smile too. she smiled back at me, then looking at ma, she asked, you wanna coffee ma?" she nodded, dot got up and left to get them a drink, looking back over her shoulder she asked, " you want anything babe?" I shook me head. "I'm good thanks..."
"So Johnny, what's on your mind?,"
"nothing ma, I'm fine..."
"Really, I'm not buying that, your mind is not here with us, so come on give, before Dot gets back..."
"Ma, it's nothing really, I'm fine..."
"Jon, don't try to kid a kidder, I'm your mom I know you too well... " softening her voice she sat next to me and placed her hand on my arm..."Please tell me?"
I exhaled a large sigh, and relented and asked... "What was pa doing at the court room, I saw him on the TV..."
I studied her face and watched her reaction, without a flinch she replied, " he was there to see the jury sworn in."
"They let the public in to witness that?"
"Yeah they do, your pa wants justice for what's happened to you son, don't be mad..."
"I aint mad, just stunned I'm only hearing about it all now,  how come no one told me before..."
"How could we tell you when you were semi comatose?, you think you would have understood it all?"
"Maybe, maybe not, that's something we will never know... I guess, but you could have told me after the operation? why not then?"
"my mom hung her head this time, "son, I just don't know, its not like we wanted to keep it from you, we, just wanted you strong and well enough before we told you..."
"And when would that have been ma? yuh? you guy's have always been to over protective of me, since I was a little kid... be honest, If I had not asked today, would you have ever told me?"
My ma looked at me, hurt on her face,  but when she spoke it was with a determination in her voice.
" You know Jon, when you are a parent, there are no instructions on what to do, and how best to do it. You use your gut, and go and do with whatever feels right,.....and I for one, am not going to apologise to you for looking after your well being, if you think that is being over protective then I am happy that is how you see it, from where I'm standing, it means I have been successful in my job as mom. and for the record, no, if I did not have to tell you, I wouldn't have."

"But, ma, I had a right to know, I'm a man, not a kid. can you not see that?"
Blue eyes, met blue eyes, "Jon, when you have kids of your own, ask yourself the same question, and then answer it and see." She moved off the bed and headed out of the room, going to see the Dr's no doubt, I sat there alone thinking on all she had said.

 Deep Inside my gut, I knew what my mom said was true, but I felt like they had not stopped for one second to consider how I would feel about all this when I got to hear....truth is, I did not know what I was feeling, confusion, bewilderment, hurt, betrayal, dishonesty.... and bizarrely love, love that my family and brother cared about me enough to make sure our ex manager and the one person he hired to oversee my well being was brought to trial for justice to be done.... but I could not shake the irk and anger that was inside. I was guessing but sure that Dot knew too, it was going to be a very uncomfortable conversation but one I had to have with my wife when she got back.

Chapter 39

Getting back to my room, I ached all over, Teri and the team had not joked when they said it was gonna be a full on session. honestly, even though my body ached, it felt good. I was working at getting myself back to a good health and a good place mentally. All the blocks were now falling into place.

Easing my body back on to the bed, Teri asked, "Want the TV on?"  I nodded my head, Richie had gone to get a drink and a bite to eat and to grab a newspaper.

For eight months I had not really had any interest in the outside world, well that and being way to sick; but now I had a hunger to know everything, it was as if my life was just starting and I had a thirst for knowledge like never before.

Anyone that knows me, will tell you I did not do well at school barely scraping by. I never went to college, I don't have any degree's. Fact; music was my college and the road, on tour was my teacher, that is all I had ever wanted to do, and until eight months ago was all I had done, but Richie and I were making plans for Bon Jovi and we were gonna come back bigger and better than before, we had managed to fill three notebooks with songs that would be our new anthem catalogue of the future.

The Tv sprung to life, Teri passed me the remote control as she left to go get my evening meal. Some soap opera was on, so I flicked through the stations settling on the news channel. Talk about fuel cost increases, and mortgages being hard to get and unobtainable for the first time purchasers, then a headline that got my attention one hundred percent.

"THE JURY HAVE BEEN SWORN IN TODAY AS THE CASE AGAINST DOC MCGHEE - BON JOVI'S FOMER MANAGER AND DR GEORGE MANNING STARTS ON THURSDAY...THEY ARE BOTH BEING CHARGED WITH STEROID ABUSE, AND MANNING WITH MURDER OF THE AMERICAN ATHLETE THAT DIED IN SAREJAVO DURING THE OLYMPICS IN 1981"

"What the fuck?" I could not believe what I was seeing. Terri came back into the room and placed my meal on the tray.
"a nice meal for you tonight Jon, spaghetti and meat balls" I blanked her my mind thinking on what I had just watched on the news.
Barley acknowledging the meal, I asked " have you see this shit about manning and my former manager?"
she nodded, yeah its been on the news for months, it's all anyone has talked about. there was talk about your old manager being charged with steroid abuse and that he killed someone famous." Terri spoke matter of fact as she went about folding things and tidying up my room, then she left me with my meal and the TV.
my head was in a whirl as I was trying to piece it all together in my mind.
Talking to myself, "What in the fuck...." just as Richie walked back into my room, eating his sandwich, and reading the paper.
"Jon, what's wrong?"
"Have you seen this?"
"Seen what?"
"about what, manning, McGhee?"
he held his head down, then turned it to the side as he answered, "Yeah, kinda..."
"Kinda?"
"Yeah, your mom and pop asked me not to say anything."
"Why?, I aint a child? Talk to me Rich? what's going on?"
Rich tried changing the subject, ummm that looks tasty, better than my sandwich..."
"Rich, please..."
reluctantly he took a perch on the window sill and started to explain everything, I sat in silence listening as he spoke. I could not believe everything I was hearing, at the end I spoke,
"So this has been going on since I was admitted to hospital all those months ago?, and really its all cause of me they are in court?"
Richie, just nodded.
Shock and realisation sunk in real slow., I knew most of the answers but I asked them anyway.
"So, you told my pop, he went to see Doc and made him squeal right?"
Again Richie nodded his head.
"Why could you have not just left things alone Rich?"
He looked at me shocked I had said the last sentence, "Why?, why the fuck do you think man, you were dying?, your mom and pop were all over the place, the dialysis and shit, don't ya dare lay blame at my door Jon. You parents wanted, no needed answers and they asked me, so I told. and no what, I am glad I did, that low life piece of shit deserve everything that is coming to them."
Rich spoke with a venom in his voice I had never heard, I sat in silence. Digesting it all and thinking about everything I had heard.
Terri walked back in the door, "Jon, you have not eaten your meal?, it will be cold..."
Breaking my thoughts I looked at the meal still sitting on the tray totally un touched.
"Ummm sorry, I aint really hungry."
"no good Jon, you have to eat something, orders is orders...I'll go warm it up and be back ok"
I nodded at her, Rich now sat with his back to me, looking out over the grounds. I owed Rich my life.
In that minute I felt real bad for my outburst.
"Rich,"
"Yeah" he answered but still not look at me....
"Don't make me come over there Sambora..."
this time he turned round and was smiling... "Yeah shorty, you think ya can?"
"Yeah, I can..." we were both laughing, the tension broke. "Listen bro, I'm sorry, it's just hearing about it all, well, it kinda shocked me, ya know?"
he nodded his head, "Yeah, I guess it is, but I was just doing as I had been asked. Until you were well enough they did not want you stressing about it."
"so, have I gotta go give evidence?"
"no, your pop saw to it that you would be kept out of it."
I was shocked to hear that, "he did?"
"Yeah, he gave the detective everything he had and struck a deal that you would be left out if it, I don't know how it was agreed, but it was, your dad's statement and his evidence and the Dr's has been enough."
"But they know its about me right?"
"eh huh, they will only know you as Mr X"

I hit the volume on the TV as the reported continued with the headline. "Dr George Manning and Doc McGhee, were  not in the dock and present as the jury was sworn in, but when the trial starts on Thursday, they will be present through the whole trial. Lawyer, Rod Pickering, acting for Manning had this to say. "My client is a victim of circumstance, and it will be proven he is innocent. Thank you" His hand then raised as he walked by the waiting press and photographers, then out of the blue a picture of my pop on the screen, my heart skipped a beat as I watched. he was in the background and I watched as he entered the court room, the press and photographers oblivious to his presence and who he was.... but I had to know, what the fuck was my pop doing there?

Chapter 38

Richie stayed with me through the whole session till lunch, as I was taken back to my room by Terri, and she left to go fetch my lunch he sat on the day chair. His head looking into his hands, when he looked up he had tears in his eye's.
"What's up?"
"You man,?"
"What?, "
"You are amazing, your fight, will, determination, you amaze me Jon. I watched you, hell no, I've  been with you through this maze to hell; Man most men would have just said enough and curled up and died, but no not you; through everything, you have kept the will, and your spirit alive and carried on, man, I just gotta tell ya, I am real proud of you."

I sat there listening, for once in my life I was totally speechless.
I thought about what he had said, and the honest to god truth was, Richie had helped me through all of this, and when we were on tour.

He was the one that had challenged me, Doc and Manning when they were pumping me with the steroids, only he had the balls to tell me and them; what he thought, sure the guy's in the band added in their voices too, but none had the conviction to stand their ground as Rich did.

Truth be known, Richie was the reason I had this spirit and fight, he gave me the reason, the strength and the will to get through all of this; thing is, I had only just realised it too. my reply was a mumbled "thanks man."

Looking out of the window it was a beautiful sunny day, and I longed to take some fresh air, it was the perfect opportunity to change the subject too and lighten the mood.

"Hey, fancy taking me out for some fresh air?"
"Sure, but what about your lunch?"
"I'm not that hungry, but with a day this gorgeous I need to suck some air into these stale old lungs...C'mon live a little?" I gave Rich the famous Bongiovi smile.
"Ok, but when Terri gets back with ya lunch, you can eat it outside ok?"
"Ok."

Minutes later Terri walked through the door, carrying my lunch in a bowl. " So what gives guy's, what's with the smiles?, I feel as though I have walked in on something."
"Yeah kinda, Jon here wants his lunch outside on the bench, you ok with that if I take him?"
"Sure, no reason why not, but make sure he eats all his lunch, the afternoon session is gonna be even harder, Deal?"
"Deal"
"Er, Terri, you can talk to me direct ya know, I am here, I am not a kid." I was feeling pretty pissed, why was everyone else making decisions about what I could and could not do, why couldn't they just  speak to me, instead of over me.

Terri looked at me, I shook her with my outburst, "I'm sorry Jon, but I was told by your Dr to use every person close to you, to make you stay on the line.
"What Dr would that be Terri?"
there was danger in my voice, and she replied with a trembling voice "Dr-Dr Kohn"
"And how the fuck does Dr Kohn know what I will and will not do, having never met me prior to me being admitted..." My temper was rising the angrier I got.
Terri straightened her back, and stood straight, then walked over and put my lunch on the trolley tray before me, and spoke.
"Maybe that question should be directed to Dr Kohn, and not to me, I carry out orders. my objective is to get you well and that is what I am trying to do. I will leave and let you have your lunch I will be back here at 1.30pm to take you for your afternoon session." as she finished her sentence, she spun on her heels and left the room.
"The fucking...."
"Jon, easy bud, it's as much my fault as it was terri's, ease up a little eh."
"Ease up?, Rich for months all I have been told is do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that, I've had enough... I am 28 years of fucking age Rich, I can make my own decisions..."
before I knew it Rich had responded and for the second time today left me speechless...
"Can you? really?, ummm I beg to differ Jon, your arrogance and stupidity put you in hospital in the first place. I aint one to rake over the past, but you abused your body for months, despite us all begging ya to stop?, steroids and you are to blame for this nightmare Jon, not the Dr's, and truth time bud, you are a real fucking pain in the ass at times, so my last piece of advice for you, just keep your fucking opinions to yourself, crack on and shut the fuck up, got it?"
in silence I nodded at Rich as he put my soup and bread roll on my knee and pushed me outside as I had wanted.

Walking down the hallway, I spoke and broke the building tension between Rich and I. "I'm sorry Rich, your right, it's just I hate being treated like a child, and this whole thing is really getting to me."
"no shit, I would never have guessed," his response was light-hearted, with a serious tone added,
"But you really need to apologise to Terri"
"Yeah, I know and I will"
"Soon as we get back right?"
"Yes pop,"
He punched my playfully on my arm. "Alrighty then. "so where do you wanna park up?" We were outside at last and the sun was warm on my face, I took in the air filling my lungs and pointed to a bench by a sycamore tree, it was the perfect spot.
He pushed me forward and stopped where I asked, then he sat down next to me, while I ate the now luke warm chunky vegetable soup and roll.

With all the tension broke between us, we sat in silence and listened to mother nature and the birds tweeting and singing, and the noise that could just be heard from the road with the traffic going by,  it was peaceful and really serene and beautiful, I'd happily have stayed there for the afternoon but with my lunch finished it was time to head back inside and start the afternoon run.

Back in my room Terri re entered, "Lunch done?"
"Done," I raised my bowl and demonstrated it was empty again.  as she went to take the bowl I caught her wrist, she looked down at me. "Terri, I am sorry for earlier, forgive me?"
she smiled at me, "Sure, and I am sorry too, fresh start for us both?"  "Yeah fresh start."
She left with the bowl then returned straight after, "So ready and fighting for the next round Jon?"
"Yeah, bring it on..." as we entered the room, I took in the apparatus in the room, the bars was where we had been in the morning , this time Terri took me over to the bars with steps. "Omg, seriously?"
I looked back at her.
"Yep seriously, I told you this afternoon would be tough," then she added, "But f anyone can do it, you can..."
Rich was at my side still, "C'mon bro, be strong, I'm with ya."
Filling my lungs with air, I psyched myself ready for the afternoon onslaught.

Chapter 37

The guy who helped me into the van was nice the tag on his shirt stating his name was Thomas. My mom and dad had been there earlier but now it was just me heading to the centre. Dorothea was going to drive down there to meet me. Almost an hour later we were pulling into a large driveway looking out the window I was shocked to see that it was not what I thought. I had expected a tall building looking like a hospital but it was anything but. There was gardens and benches around outside patients siting with their families. “maybe this place wasn't going to be as bad as I thought. I was taken to my room granted it still looked like a hospital room there but not too bad. I had a large picture window that looked out on the grounds, D came into the room and started to put my things away. “it will be okay Jon.. we will get through this … it won't be so bad … this place is one of the best out there the sooner you get back on your feet the sooner you can come home..” She kissed my cheek.

“I know D and I promised Richie and my parents I would do whatever the doctors here say to do...” I let the nurse help me into the chair by the bed. She introduced herself as Terry and would be my day nurse. The introductions were done and I met my Doctor. Doctor Kohn was a strict female doctor. She had my plan set out and I was ready to start that day but was told to get used to the place first and the next day would start the hell that was physical therapy, and I had no idea why but, I was looking forward to it.

 

Next morning I was woken by my day nurse, she brought with her a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and some OJ, as she placed the breakfast on my trolley she spoke,

"Good Morning Jon, did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I guess," I shifted in the bed and pushed myself so I was sitting up right.

"What's that?"

"Is this a trick question?" she smiled at me as she asked,

"No, I mean I really don't like oatmeal.... Do I really have to eat that?" I screwed my nose up as I asked the question. the oatmeal sat there looking the most uninviting breakfast I had ever seen, you would get given better in jail.

"Yes you do, and its because you have a lot of hard work ahead of you today, Oatmeal has the right amount of vitamins and its a carb which means it will release sugars into your blood evenly throughout the morning, ...... " she looked at me and laughed as she continued.... "and its Docs orders."

I smiled back, my lips and nose still curled at the thought of having to digest the gloop in front of me.

"Hey, I can add some syrup if that helps to make it sweeter for you?"

I nodded anything would be better than what I was looking at.  

Terri disappeared to go get the syrup, I picked up the OJ and took a sip, the sweet bitterness was surprisingly refreshing to taste, I took another sip.

Terri returned with the oatmeal, it was still hot and as she placed it in front of me she placed her hands on her hips and stood watching.

"What? your gonna stand and watch over me?"

"Eh huh, Dr's orders,"

"Your kidding me right?"

"No, I saw your face jon, we are serious, we want to get you back on your feet and to do that you are gonna have to do and eat things that you don't normally, but its all for a good reason, to get you home."

"I get it Terri, I do, true I aint a fan of Oatmeal, but I promise you I will eat it, please give me the trust, I won't let you down?...."

I studied her face, and she studied mine.

"Ok, I'll give you half an hour ok?"

"I nodded back at her and took the spoon in my hand and took my first mouthful of the oatmeal breakfast. Surprisingly it slid down past my feeding tube easily and was not as bad to taste as I thought.

I was mid way through when a familiar voice spoke, " so spent my $100 bucks yet?"

I looked up and saw Richie in the doorway.

"Hey Rich,... no I aint been anywhere yet.... but I will really enjoy it when I do."

"He smiled at me as he came over and sat on the chair next to the bed.

"What's that?"

"Oatmeal...it's not that bad really...."

"not for me, but hey, if its good, nice to see you eating."

"It's not my choice," I put on an exaggerated voice, "It's Dr's orders..." just as Terri came back into the room with my sweat pants and tee, sneakers and socks....

"You poking fun at me Jon?" she asked with tease in her voice,

I went red, and mumbled my reply, "Er no, course not," quickly I introduced Richie .... "Terri this is Richie, my...."

"Hey, yeah no need for introductions I know who you are," she extended her hand and greeted Richie. He smiled back and said the right things you say when meeting someone too, "nice to meet ya Terri. So you looking after my man here?"

"Yeah, I'm his day carer, or nurse, what ever you wanna call me."

"Great, well take it easy on him for a while ok, he has had a few real tough months..."

"That's the last thing we are gonna do, he's here to get mobile and get back on his feet, this is the last stop saloon and going easy on our guy's aint gonna get us anywhere..."

Terri did not hold back and made it clear what was her job and that she was good at what she did and Richie was not gonna persuade her otherwise.  

"Alright, jeez I was only asking..."

"That's fine, but if ya wanna help your man here, then get with the programme..." she turned to face me, " all done Jon?"

"I nodded my head and smiled then held up the bowl see all gone.."

"Terri relaxed a little, well done, good start, right I'll clear these away then be back to help you shower and dress, Richie do you wanna hang around for his first session?"

nervously he answered, "Yeah if that's ok?"

"Sure, follow me I'll take you to the day room until Jon is ready to go to rehab room 1, then i'll fetch you."

Richie raised his hand, "see ya in a few bro..."

I smiled and raised mine back, "That's you will Rich, that you will..." I had focused my mind and had settled on doing whatever it was I needed to do to get well as fast as possible and walk out of this place, to get back to my family, and back to Bon Jovi.....

 

 

Chapter 36

Apr 9 at 7:11 PM

She took me back to my room where I set by the window moving my legs up and down in exercises that the physical therapist had told me to do. It would help strengthen my leg muscles so I could take more weight right now they only worked with me on the double bars I hoped to move to a walker soon. It might sound funny a twenty eight year old man looking forward to using a walker but the closer it got to the walker closer to crutches and closer to walking on my own. Then dancing around the stage again. I would get frustrated when they would have me only walk one or two steps and then bring me back even though I was exhausted I wanted to do more but they kept telling me if I did I could hurt myself. I just wanted to get this done get back on my feet and go home. I looked over as my tray was brought in the other problem the doctor was having with me is I had no appetite Doctor Markus said that was something that was normal. The meds that I had to take to keep from rejecting my kidney killed my appetite they were working on it but it still made it hard for me to eat or have any interest in food they brought in. Add in the food was downright disgusting looking. My mom offered to bring some of her homemade cooking in but Doctor Markus told her that it had to wait as since I had gone from eating so little while on tour and eating what they had in here whatever she made was just too rich for my stomach. Doctor Markus hadn't removed the feeding tube I had gotten when I had been at deaths door so it helped a bit not that I liked it that much. It was uncomfortable at points but it filled its purpose. I asked him a couple times when it would be removed he told me once I started eating better and I gained at least twenty five pounds. Which brought me back to forcing myself to eat what was on my tray that was brought in. Thankfully today was soup and sandwiches with some chips. After I finished my lunch I went back to working on the notepad. I had almost a full pad of songs already wrote down.

The other thing that had been on my mind was the trial though my parents and Richie didn't think I knew too much about it I did. Granted I had been not in the best of health when it all came about with the arrests but still I knew that Richie would probably have to testify I was assured by my pop I wouldn't as all the signed papers put tell to that. That and I was not well enough to be dealing with the stress as my doctor put it. I went back to writing. ….

A week later the nurses were all having a small farewell party for me. I was to be going to the Ortho Center which was about forty minutes away from my home. D had came to see me and helped me get ready to go. She had been there by my side the whole time quite and assuring. I loved my wife with all my heart and I had put her through hell this year I promised her as they got me ready to go that I would work hard to get back on my feet. Her hand brushing through my new hair cut. I had asked my pop to cut my hair for me as being in the hospital my hair gotten longer than I had ever thought. It was now shorter than it had been with bangs over my eyes and just a but above the collar of my shirt. It was a lot easier to take care of that was for sure. Dressed in blue jeans and a sweatshirt with keds on my feet setting in a wheelchair waiting for me ride to get there. The Center was sending a van to get me as it was just policy. I had thought I would be going via my parents or someone but nope. I took a deep breath as it arrived ready to start on the next step of getting myself on my feet.

Chaper 35

It had taken Richie fourteen days to recover from his blood poisoning, my body was getting better and the day release trips to rehab were going well, I could at least now hold my own body weight. walking, well one step at a time as they say.
Dr Markus gave me the ok to go down to see rich as he was leaving hospital again today, his op site had now practically healed over so should not cause him any problems, but like with everything he had to take it easy. In my hands was the pad Rich had bought for me, now half full with songs I had wrote, Rich had agreed to go and stay again with my mom and dad, but told them they had to let him do his own thing and not fuss over him so much. Ma struggled to follow the rules but pop made her agree, how? he simply pointed out he was a grown man and did not need smothering.

so here we are present time, and I am about to enter my best buds room and say good bye to him, a week from today I was being moved to the intensive rehab clinic 40 minutes away from home, and I really was not looking forward to it, but understood if I wanted out of the place it was the only way, so biting my tongue I agreed to do whatever Dr Markus asked of me, and Richie too. We had big plans for Bon Jovi, without the guys in the band would be like extracting all the air from my lungs, or well I might as well be dead.

Lainey pushed me through the door and across to Richie who was sat in his day chair, his back to me, looking out across at the lawns and gardens in the hospital grounds, he was waiting on a cab to call and collect him. He insisted he would make his own way to my ma and pa's house, or it was no deal.
"hey you, ready to go?"
he turned his head to look at me and smiled before he spoke,
"Hell yeah, man your looking well," he got up from his chair and came over and gave me a big hug.
"Man you seriously need to get a hair cut, you resemble a sheep dog,"
I looked at the ends of my long mane, it was not looking good, and honestly it was the last thing that I had thought of until Richie mentioned it, now he had I would ask my pop to cut it next time he was in visiting.
"Yeah, I guess it does look bad, I'll get it sorted, maybe go short what ya say to that sambora?"
"Yeah, like you'll give up your mane?, believe it when I see it man"
"ok, bets on, how much?"
"you serious?"
"Sure, how much"
"$100 bucks"
"your on, so what time ya leaving......" I held my head down trying to hold back the tears, "I'm gonna miss ya man"
" soon as the cab arrives, driver knows he has to call to reception to get me."
" you crying?"
I wiped my face and tried to laugh it off, but Rich knew me too well, he lifted my chin,
"Don't be sad bro, I'll be back to visit, I've got some songs to write too, you are half a pad ahead of me, just keep the faith, ok?"
through my falling tears I managed a smile, but no one knew how lonely it was day in day out, for the last seven day's Rich had brought meaning back into my life and existence, it reminded me of our younger days meeting in the basement of his mom's home, and us jamming and fooling around together, now what I was used to was being taken away again.

Lainey knocked on his door, "Richie, cab is here for you."
he looked at her and smiled, "Thanks' tell him I'll be there in a minute,"
Lainey agreed and went to tell the driver to wait.
"So, this is me,"
"Yep, and next time you visit, your gonna see a new me too."
"I better I've got $100 bucks riding on it.... " he laughed a deep belly laugh, something I had not heard in forever, the problems of the last tour were a million years ago. We had re bonded as friends, but now more as brothers. I guess what happened had to happen for us to reach this point in time. I know it's corny but, I was happy to be where we were.
"So, give me a day then your next coming, give me the chance to at least win something?"
"No way Bongiovi, why should I make it easy for you?, you said next time I see you... and i'm holding you to it..."
"Hey no fair, you know I need my pop to do it?"
"Yeah, and he's no doubt coming in with your ma sometime today?"
"I guess, hey, you going to my folks place right?"
"Oh no, I'm not helping ya win"
"but you don't know what I am gonna ask yet?"
"Yeah I do, you want me to ask your pop to bring his comb and scissors?, well forget it Giovi not happening...man you are so sneaky..."
the banter we shared was good, and I loved it. reluctantly I ended it so as to let him get moving.
"ok, well take care of you ok?, and get writing, you have a lot of catching up to do."
He reached down again and for the last time gave me a hug. pulling back he asked,
"You good then?"
"I'm good, now go"
he collected his bag from the bed, and smiled at me as he left the room, I pushed myself over to the door and watched him get his discharge papers from the desk for the second time, the cab driver took his bag and he waved as he walked across to the elevator. I sat watching until the elevator doors closed. then talking to myself I said. " take care bro, and hurry back to see me"

I sat thinking to myself lost in thought when Lainey arrived to take me back to my room.
"You ok?"
"yeah I'm fine, thanks,"
"So, you thought about what you want for your lunch?"
"Food?, no why?"
"Cause, you wanna get outta here now don't ya, especially as Rich is gone."
"Well yeah course I do."
"Well start showing an interest in food, and start working harder Jon, then you will be home and back to living a normal life in no time, and for the record I aint telling ya what to do, just giving ya some friendly advice. You and Richie amaze me, you know that?"
"Thank for the tip, and in what way do we amaze you?"
"Your friendship, in all my years I have never seen to men as close as you two, it really is like you are blood brothers.... it's incredible..."
I smiled to myself, Lainey was right, the relationship we shared was incredible and I thanked god for being given the second chance to keep building on it.