Chapter 49

When I woke next morning I felt more than achy, I felt like a steam truck had ran over my body in every way it could, lifting my arms was like being asked to lift a ton weight. Struggling I managed to adjust myself from lying to sitting, and breathlessly sat, with beads of sweat forming just as Teri walked in with my breakfast tray.
She eyed me and stood next to the bed before speaking and placing the tray on my bed table. "Morning Jon, So Doc tells me you walked at the awards last night?, how's you feel this morning?"
I was not sure if she was asking out of concern or if she was mocking me.
"You care?"
hurt flickered across her face... "Hell yeah I care, I have gotten to know you, .... I'm struggling to understand why you did that though?, you have set yourself right back bud?, and ok, its none of my business but I gotta ask why?, doc told you the score, why risk it eh?"
"its simple, it was not Jon Bon Jovi winning the award it was Bon Jovi, Teri, how could I go on stage and lap it all in sympathy?, eh?, I couldn't do it....... and right now I wish I hadn't, I feel like shit," my eye's looked over and out of the window, the sun was rising and it looked to be a great sunny day,..... in my room.... heavy dark clouds were looming...
"well, lets start you back on track ok, eat your breakfast and I'll be back...." she walked to the door and turned just before she left.... "oh Jon, I get it!" smiling she left.

Lifting the covers on my food, I thought at least someone understands. When I first met teri, I was not sure what to think of her. She was pushy but direct, and I wanted to hate her, but as the months had gone on I respected her and had really gotten to know and like her. lifting  the spoon of oatmeal to my mouth  I smiled to myself, just as Doc walked in.

"Good Morning Jon, how are we feeling today?"
she moved round to the window and perched on the ledge as she studied me and my movements.
I didn't want her to know how bad I was hurting so tried like always to make lighter than it was.
"I'm ok, just ache a little?"
"Really? so moving your arms and legs is no big thing this morning?"
I felt trapped and like I was being asked a trick question and there was a danger in the Docs voice that gave me the warning... I decided on telling the truth.
"Ok, I hurt all over Doc, but I only walked 15 metres to the stage and back, I do more than that in rehab.... I don't get it...."
"Yeah Jon, you do walk more than rehab, but you are aided the whole time. Why did I tell you to use the chair?"
now I felt like I was being scalded by my teacher, and I was being asked a question that my dumbass could not answer.
"ok, I get it, I went against your rules.....but Doc you need to understand why, but then you won't care..."
"Really Jon, acting like a sulking school boy will get you no where. it matters not why you did it, I can only surmise that you don't care about anyone but what you want?"
I glared at her I was so angry, I had to explain and make her see why I had risked everything.
"Right, so you are perfect then are you Doc?, never make mistakes? well?"
"no Jon I am not perfect, but I am not the one in question here you are?"
"Look do me a favour Doc, stop trying to lecture me like your my mom, ok, I am old enough to make my own choices, and until last night I had done everything you had asked, and more right?"
"Right but..."
"No, you need to listen to me this time, this is a two way street." taking a breath I paused and gathered my thoughts and spoke again much calmer.
"Last night,,,, seeing my peers, seeing all my friends... was , well, good but not good, the look on their faces seeing me in the chair showed me the pity they felt for me. it hurt ya know, being shown pity. that's not what I am about or Bon Jovi. Robin Williams made a speech about me, and they put the spotlight on me front and centre. man it was awful, then I spent the rest of the night wanting to be anywhere but there. all my thoughts were thinking about having to use the ramp and be pushed on stage to get the award......... I-I just could not do it....."
"I'm sure no one looked at you in pity, that's what you thought and what you wanted to see..."
"you were not there, I was...so when they announced us as the winner, I stood...... rich and the guy's helped me to the stage, you see Doc, it was not about Jon Bon Jovi getting the award, this was about Bon Jovi being honoured with an award and that mean Tico, Dave and Rich too."
She looked at me, and surrendered and accepted why I had done what I had... I looked over to her and apologised...
"Ok, well lets run some tests and see what damage you have done ok?, nurse will be in shortly to take some bloods."
I was worried, and scared... nervously I asked... " what's the worst thing I could have done?"
"caused your kidney to swell, but lets hope its not that bad...finish your breakfast.. I'll see you later with the results."
as she left the room, I ate my breakfast and prayed real hard that I had not done anything to serious, but the way my body was feeling, I feared the worst.