Chapter 11

I laid there while my ma and Dot gently sobbed. What the fuck was going on?
"Pop, what's wrong? why is mom crying, what did she mean I have no idea what I've done?"
"Leave it for now Son."
"I want to know, what is going on?"
Dot looked up, her eye's red and puffy from crying. "Oh Jon, your taking steroids,.... it's.... shit....."
my ma spoke up," Dot not now, we have said to much already."
"But he needs to know ma?"
"not now."
Dot went quiet and went back to sobbing and looking at her hands. My Ma tore her gaze away from me. My pop just sat holding and rocking my mom and Richie had no idea what the fuck was going on. He was in the dark like me.

My mind was in chaos, what did they know that I didn't, and why wouldn't they tell me?. the silence in the room was deafening.
Richie spoke and broke the silence. "Who wants  coffee?"
immediately all voices were found and spoke, first my ma, "I'll go with you and help you Richie I don't know what I want yet."
my pa second "Yeah, I'll have one son, black 2 sugars," and lastly Dot," ill just have water please."
Richie took note and left with my mom.
I looked at Dot, and tried to take her hand but my arms were too weak, she looked at me. her eye's were full of pity.

"Dot, please tell me what's going on."

"I can't Jon, your ma said..."

"Dottie please, you are my wife, I am a grown man, tell me please? just everyone stop treating me like a god damn kid."

"The steroids Jon, you have done more damage than you realise. there are more things that your body is going to have to fight as the months go on. the Dr told me and the list is extensive and not exhaustive."
"like what?"

"like heart, liver issues, muscle damage, neurological problems.... those are a few that I can remember. Jonny I am scared for you. Your mom overheard me talking to the Dr and when I told her she said you didn't need to know as you had to fight this and recover first, but I am scared Jon, I honest to god have no idea what to do?"

"Dot, I will be fine, look if I have those other issues I will deal with them as they happen, I can't do anything right now can I, so what's the point getting upset about it eh? lets just see how things go ok"

"Yeah your right, but its a terrifying being told that, right?. I am normally together but I was not ready for that and ... well it shook me.... I know  I'm being stupid.... but it's because I love you..... forgive me."

As I went to answer dot, and reassure her that I loved her too; I was aware my mouth was dry again and I coughed, before I could ask for water a small trickle of blood ran down my mouth. I coughed again and more blood oozed out.  In shock my dad left his seat and the room and went in search of a Dr.

Dot wiped away the blood with a tissue. My eyes were stinging with the pain, my throat was burning and I could taste the blood as I swallowed.

My ma and Richie returned and saw Dottie with blood on the tissue. my ma went pale and asked;  "What's happened?"

"I dunno know ma, he was whispering and we were talking, he coughed then blood oozed from his mouth. Pa has gone to get a help."

ma sat down next to me and brushed my forehead, checking for a temperature like she used to when I was a kid, just as my pa returned with the Dr.

"Now Jon, your Dad tells me you have been bleeding from your mouth, mind if I take a look?."

The Dr moved in close to investigate, he looked into my mouth and down my throat, he made noises as if he was talking to himself.
 At last he pulled back and spoke.
"Jon, have you been talking?" I nodded in answer... "I see, well Jon you have burst a blood vessel in your throat with the straining trying to talk. if you keep straining your voice to talk it will happen again. I need you to drink plenty and just rest with no talking. can you do that?"

I felt as if I had been chastised again, just like when I was a kid. my frustration was building to an explosion.
I just had to get out of here. the Dr spoke again, "Well?" I just nodded.

Now was time to get Dot and Richie to help me get outta here, I was even more determined, at home I would recover quicker, just how?.