Chapter 49

When I woke next morning I felt more than achy, I felt like a steam truck had ran over my body in every way it could, lifting my arms was like being asked to lift a ton weight. Struggling I managed to adjust myself from lying to sitting, and breathlessly sat, with beads of sweat forming just as Teri walked in with my breakfast tray.
She eyed me and stood next to the bed before speaking and placing the tray on my bed table. "Morning Jon, So Doc tells me you walked at the awards last night?, how's you feel this morning?"
I was not sure if she was asking out of concern or if she was mocking me.
"You care?"
hurt flickered across her face... "Hell yeah I care, I have gotten to know you, .... I'm struggling to understand why you did that though?, you have set yourself right back bud?, and ok, its none of my business but I gotta ask why?, doc told you the score, why risk it eh?"
"its simple, it was not Jon Bon Jovi winning the award it was Bon Jovi, Teri, how could I go on stage and lap it all in sympathy?, eh?, I couldn't do it....... and right now I wish I hadn't, I feel like shit," my eye's looked over and out of the window, the sun was rising and it looked to be a great sunny day,..... in my room.... heavy dark clouds were looming...
"well, lets start you back on track ok, eat your breakfast and I'll be back...." she walked to the door and turned just before she left.... "oh Jon, I get it!" smiling she left.

Lifting the covers on my food, I thought at least someone understands. When I first met teri, I was not sure what to think of her. She was pushy but direct, and I wanted to hate her, but as the months had gone on I respected her and had really gotten to know and like her. lifting  the spoon of oatmeal to my mouth  I smiled to myself, just as Doc walked in.

"Good Morning Jon, how are we feeling today?"
she moved round to the window and perched on the ledge as she studied me and my movements.
I didn't want her to know how bad I was hurting so tried like always to make lighter than it was.
"I'm ok, just ache a little?"
"Really? so moving your arms and legs is no big thing this morning?"
I felt trapped and like I was being asked a trick question and there was a danger in the Docs voice that gave me the warning... I decided on telling the truth.
"Ok, I hurt all over Doc, but I only walked 15 metres to the stage and back, I do more than that in rehab.... I don't get it...."
"Yeah Jon, you do walk more than rehab, but you are aided the whole time. Why did I tell you to use the chair?"
now I felt like I was being scalded by my teacher, and I was being asked a question that my dumbass could not answer.
"ok, I get it, I went against your rules.....but Doc you need to understand why, but then you won't care..."
"Really Jon, acting like a sulking school boy will get you no where. it matters not why you did it, I can only surmise that you don't care about anyone but what you want?"
I glared at her I was so angry, I had to explain and make her see why I had risked everything.
"Right, so you are perfect then are you Doc?, never make mistakes? well?"
"no Jon I am not perfect, but I am not the one in question here you are?"
"Look do me a favour Doc, stop trying to lecture me like your my mom, ok, I am old enough to make my own choices, and until last night I had done everything you had asked, and more right?"
"Right but..."
"No, you need to listen to me this time, this is a two way street." taking a breath I paused and gathered my thoughts and spoke again much calmer.
"Last night,,,, seeing my peers, seeing all my friends... was , well, good but not good, the look on their faces seeing me in the chair showed me the pity they felt for me. it hurt ya know, being shown pity. that's not what I am about or Bon Jovi. Robin Williams made a speech about me, and they put the spotlight on me front and centre. man it was awful, then I spent the rest of the night wanting to be anywhere but there. all my thoughts were thinking about having to use the ramp and be pushed on stage to get the award......... I-I just could not do it....."
"I'm sure no one looked at you in pity, that's what you thought and what you wanted to see..."
"you were not there, I was...so when they announced us as the winner, I stood...... rich and the guy's helped me to the stage, you see Doc, it was not about Jon Bon Jovi getting the award, this was about Bon Jovi being honoured with an award and that mean Tico, Dave and Rich too."
She looked at me, and surrendered and accepted why I had done what I had... I looked over to her and apologised...
"Ok, well lets run some tests and see what damage you have done ok?, nurse will be in shortly to take some bloods."
I was worried, and scared... nervously I asked... " what's the worst thing I could have done?"
"caused your kidney to swell, but lets hope its not that bad...finish your breakfast.. I'll see you later with the results."
as she left the room, I ate my breakfast and prayed real hard that I had not done anything to serious, but the way my body was feeling, I feared the worst.

Chapter 48

The rest of the night went slow, and although Richie spoke to me, I sensed the atmosphere building between us. Dave and Teek were oblivious and just chatted away.

I needed to talk to rich, I know I had done it all wrong, but at the initial moment, it just seemed right. Why shouldn't everyone know Rich was the reason I was alive? either way, the internal argument and turmoil I felt could not take away what I had done was wrong. Man if Rich had done that to me, I would have screamed from the roof tops and sulked like a dumbass. I had to respect the man, and somehow put it right.

At the end of the night, as we left with each celebrity waiting on the car table to be told when their chauffer had arrived. the distance between Rich and me was now blatantly obvious, this time Teek and Dave picked up on the vibes too.
Dave was the first to ask as we sat back in the car for the ride home, the award wedged between Rich and me.
"So what's eating Rich?, you aint spoke to Jon since the stage? what's your beef man?"
for the second time that night, Rich gave the stink eye. " Leave it ok Dave.... Just leave it..."
"ok..."
Dave shook his head and looked out of the window, as Teek took up the conversation. "Rich, seriously man, we were having a great time, but..... I dunno its like you want away from us all...what we done Eh?"
"Teek, leave it man, you aint done nothing... ok...."
Rich turned his head away and I could see his jaw clench, his hands hanging between his thighs and clenched in a fist. this time I had to speak.
"rich, I'm sorry, really, I'm sorry... I should not have announced it at the awards... but..."
"no, forget it Jon, ok, I told you I never wanted to be acknowledged as the donor that saved your life, I told you that man.... now I look like I'm saint fucking Richie....wtf"
"I know I'm a dumbass..."
"No Jon, Your a fucking assole..."
"Ok, assole.. but you gonna just ignore me then?, I said I'm sorry..."
"Yeah that's right, as long as you say your sorry then everything is fine right?, well Jon this time it aint..... so can you just shut the fuck up and leave me alone please... really" holding his hand in the air inches from my face he shook his head, "I just don't wanna talk to you or anyone right now ok..?"
I gave in and just sighed and all of us sat in silence as we headed back to the rehab centre.

As the driver pulled the car to a halt, I asked Teek if her could help me back to my room, he was about to answer when rich butted in, "Look I said I would pick you up and bring you back, just cause one of us is an assole, don't me I gotta be too." Rich got outta the car and met driver round back by the trunk. Teek looked at me and winked, "Don't stress it Jon, he'll be fine ok, when the ladies come hovering offering their attention he'll be right you'll see..."
I smiled at Teek, "I hope so bud.." then we both lent forward and hugged, same with Dave, then with the award in my hands I edged to the open door, got out and into the chair Richie was stood behind.

Before he took me inside I thanked the driver, then without another word Richie pushed me back into rehab.
I was aching and my back and sides and legs were hurting real bad, but I kept quiet, but as we reached my room, and Richie helped me out and assisted me getting undressed on more than one occasion I flinched. When he saw it, his mood changed and the caring Richie I knew was looking at me concern etched on his face.
"You ok?"
fighting back the tears, I nodded. as he eased my legs into bed, he saw me grimace again, "Jon, what the fuck?"
"with a weak voice I answered..." Really, I'm ok, just over done it I guess..." damp beads of sweat had begun to break out on my forehead, Rich saw and took off outta the room to get a nurse.
through the door in minutes was my Doctor with Rich, a serious concerned look on her face.

"Jon, Rich tells me you walked tonight?"
meekly I nodded.
"I see, so all my talks completely ignored then?"
"Look honestly Doc, I just wanted to do it for the guy's... I...."
"Right, and when you die because of doing it for the guys, will that be your memorial and how you want to be remembered?"
I shook my head...
"Right, so you have just put your body back in time Jon, and I hope I can repair the damage you have done.... " she turned and left the room but returned with an injection, and without anymore talk she injected into my arm..... and it all went black.......

Chapter 47

The evening was running a full speed, the drinks were flowing and everyone but me was having a good time, looking at the guys they whooped and cheered for every artist that won an award, Madonna had already collected her award for best female artist, her attitude fitting in with her ego. Teek congratulated her as she sat back down at the table, and let me tell ya, not much shocks teek but her reply did. "about muther fucking time they realised how fucking hot and good I am, this is owed to me not deserved." kissing the award she sat down and gave a two finger salute in the air. I'm not denying that she has talent, but this broad was more like a guy than a women, and it was ugly to watch. My mind drifted for a moment and my thoughts, about Madonna, and about if a guy climbed into bed with her, and couldn't help smiling as an image of her throwing the guy down on the bed and having sex with him, she would sure the hell be a badass bitch between the sheets as in real life, and the guy had better not have any preconceptions about making love to her, cause she would fuck him up real good.

 

More clapping and cheering that brought my attention and was snapped back to the events unfolding and the award I had been dreading, The best Band, my heart halted in my mouth, which was dry and I could not swallow as Robin, ran through all the nominee's sure to god we were in the nominations.

 

Hardly able to breathe I waited for the announcement, dragging it out making it more painful, Robin called Cher to the stage to make the final announcement of the winner and the presentation.

I muttered under my breath, "for the love of god, just announce the winner already"

Bono's hand rested on my shoulder as he leaned in and whispered "Good luck man" I smiled and nodded and wished him the same.

 

Cher stood in front of the mic and muttered those immortal words, "And the winner is............."  my heart was pounding so hard I was sure it was gonna leap outta my chest, the tension was surreal, and she dragged it out for the longest time... finally she announced the winner...... 

"Bon Jovi....."

whoops and cheers, and clapping, rang out all around us, the spotlight hitting us all front and centre, capturing Rich and the guy's all high fiving each other, I smiled at them, but I was sad, and scared, the moment had come to go up on stage. I don't know why, I guess all my senses left me for a millisecond as I stood, rich looked at me,  I was determined I would not use the chair, no way.... I returned the look and he could see the pleading in my eye's so, said nothing and took my arm, the guys all  saw and fitting in around me too, as slowly we all walked to the stage.

I knew I was gonna have to face the shit tomorrow, but it was my body, and I wanted to do it my way, this was Bon Jovi's moment not just mine, the guys deserved the recognition. and as I've said;  the chair was a symbol of pity for me, and I sure the hell was not gonna allow that to happen.

 

 On stage slowly we reached Cher, leaning in she hugged and kissed each of us and then handed the award to me. I took a moment to read the inscription on the plaque, and could not stop smiling.  I looked out to the audience and was about to make a thank you speech, but was stopped as the whole audience were on the feet still clapping and cheering for us.

 

Our peers were giving us a standing ovation, I was blown away, I looked to the guys, who had all stood back and were clapping too, as the penny finally dropped, I realised they were all standing for me. 

Now faced with the facts, I realised it was not out of pity, but respect for what I had gone through, boy my attitude had been wrong, Swallowing back my tears,  I cleared my throat and lent forward and spoke into the mic. 
.

 

"thank you." I paused and waited for the clapping to stop, as the ripples died down to a single clap I spoke." thank you, you know, we are a small town bar band from New jersey, and receiving this award means we have now hit our first target... we have conquered our first mountain, and  without the support and help of our fans, family, friends, well.... we would not be standing here...... so; thank you and...... we love you all" astounding rings of the clapping resounded in my ears as I stood back to let Rich say a few words, I just looked out at the audience taking it all I., As Rich ended his speech he stood back, to let Dave and Teek say there thanks too, as Teek stood back I lent forward to the Mic again.  

The clapping almost stopped instantly,  

"Sorry, before we go I just want to touch on something that you all have a need to know, Glancing across at Richie I continued,"  I promise I'll keep it short and it wont be an Oscar speech." Ripples of laughter was heard, then as  the laughter died and the silence descended again and, completely focused I began.  

 

"So anyone that knows me will tell ya, I'm a real pain in the butt and a total workaholic,  I paused and looked at the guy's who were nodding in agreement, " thing is, it's just cause I never want to let anyone down, my work ethic is you keep going till ya cant keep going anymore..... let me say that ethic is now under reconstruction., and for good reason..." 

I had the audience they were hanging on my every word... as I carried on...   

" As everyone now knows  at the end of the last tour, and after our last night on stage I collapsed. ......, yeah I know the press were told it was exhaustion, and some of that is true, but it was more than that...."

"During the tour I had issues with my voice, hitting the B flat's night every night, caused damage to my chords. the guy's told me to rest, but I carried on after being given steroids. A temporary fix to my problem."

"and that was the problem, due to the months of abuse, my body could not take it anymore and it resulted in my body shutting down and me having kidney failure. Sure, I had dialysis for months, but even that was no good. I needed a donor to live." taking a pause I continued.... " And I am very pleased to say, a match was found......" I looked to my left and saw Richie shaking his head, his eyes pleading with me not to do it, but I carried on.... it was time everyone knew that Rich had saved my life.....

" Ladies and gentlemen, Pease share the love and give it up for my donor and my band brother and Mr Richie Sambora..."

the audience erupted, screams, whistles, clapping cheering, and another standing ovation this time for Richie. He looked pretty pissed as he stood at the mic. for the first time in my life Richie Sambora gave me the stink eye.