Chapter 24

Still in pain and with my body still floating with a drug filled haze, i kept hearing words, "shutting down" and "die" within the fog of my mind I kinda knew they were talking about me, but I was really struggling to string together the words into a full sentence. Dorothea was at my side with a pained look on her beautiful face, my brother Richie who was going to be my saviour was laying on a gurney next to me.

Looking around me, everything seemed to be like in a movie and ran in fast forward when you hit the remote button, no one was looking directly at me, but all running round acting for me.  Dr Markus was in the throws of it all and shouting out instructions.

I kept trying to focus, on what was going on but the pain kept causing me to scream out, each time I did a warm gentle hand was on my arm stroking me to calm me. what was wrong with me now, why did I feel this pain and why was my body bloated? the dream I had when I awoke in a cold sweat about Alec taking over my band when I had died kept floating in and out of my mind.
finally the truth hit me,  my body was shutting down and I was dying..... everyone running around in complete manic state was cause they were trying to save me.....

Fear gripped my heart, and it could not be soothed or be controlled with words or hugs or love, this was reality.... I was dying..... I tried to stay awake, trying to calm myself but it was no good, I was in and out of consciousness, each time I awoke another needle and line was in my body...... I heard a sentence..... "god damn it we need to stabilise him before we can take him into theatre... more CCT..come on.... work god damn you...." then I was out cold..... the pain seemed less intense and I was beginning to feel calm, I felt warm and safe...... what was happening now.... whatever it was; I was pain free... were the drugs finally working...... I strained to hear but there was nothing no sound, nothing at all just total peace......
bang.... then I was awake again and the pain returned with a kick of a mule.... I caught my breath as the pain was more intense than it had ever been....
I heard Dr Markus again..... "Ok people he's back and stable lets get him to theatre.... Richie are you ready...."
"Yeah man I'm ready lets go..."
The next thing I was being pushed down the corridor, bright lights of the hospital over heads flicking past at an uncountable speed..... then total blackness, not like before, no calm, no warm feeling no safety.... just blackness.... no voices.......


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I watched as they worked on Jon, he had gone into cardiac arrest, his body could not cope with the pain it was having thrust upon it, all of his organs were trying to shut down one by one. I was helpless and just did my part by being there and being ready to go straight to surgery if... no when they could stabilise and get Jon back.

In my mind I prayed, prayed to god or a higher being to save him and let me give him a kidney so that he could live. It seemed so wrong a young man of 28 years of age was laying here at deaths door because of a greedy assole of a manager and a con man called manning... I swore right there and then whether Jon made it or not I would get justice. then I heard my voice call out... "hang in there buddy," I know he could not hear me, for the record he was dead, clinically at any rate.... looking at Dr Markus... he was working so hard to bring Jon back..... I just watched.... they hit the paddles on Jon's chest again..... still nothing.... more drugs were injected straight into his heart and then another shock... finally after what felt like hours the machine responded with beep, beep, beep,... his heart had re started....... it was beating in a regular rhythm, "Ok people lets get them to theatre and get this transplant done. on three one, two, three.... Jon's body was moved to a gurney and he was pushed out of the room at stat speed, I followed on my gurney behind just a fast, in seconds we were inside the operating room, Jon's body was anesthetised and then it was my turn.... this was it... saying a silent prayer for us both, I drifted under the anaesthetic ready to surrender my kidney for my brother.