Thursday 5th April, I checked the calendar sat next to me D day was approaching and fast. I counted down the days to the proposed boom day, then took ten days off first one way and added ten days in the other.
Id been working real hard at getting myself fit for babies arrival, but as far as I went forward, Doc knocked me back. "We need you fit psychically and mentally and for your immune system to be fighting fit too, when baby arrives your gonna be subjected to all sorts of germs and the like."
Each time I gave her the same reply. "I'll be ready." annoyingly each time she just smiled and said nothing.
My trainer and physio pushed me hard. I was working so hard now, at the end of the sessions my muscles hurt like a bitch and I had to have rub downs and massages to stop my muscles cramping. I was drinking electrolyte replacement drinks too. The question, did I feel any better, or ready for my first babies arrival, No, fucking way, and honestly I was shitting myself. At night now instead of thinking and dreaming positive thoughts about becoming a pop, I was having nightmares, with the same one recurring plenty.
When D visited, her bump always looked like it had grown ten fold from her last visit, scary as that was only two days previous. My eye's automatically drawn to her belly yesterday when she walked in.
"What? am I that big now, you only see my belly, not me?" I quickly looked away and tried making light that baby was making his mark. As she sat next to me, with her hand resting on the bump, tears filled her eye's as she let her feelings flow out.
"you got that right, when baby's born my skin is gonna look like an old sack, and you'll not want me anymore?"
I took her hand in mine, "hey where's all this coming from?" through misty eye's, she looked at me, "I don't know, but everytime I look at myself in the mirror I see this fat blob, with over stretched skin, and, well I'm kinda scared... what if my skin don't go back, what if I'm left with lots of loose skin? huh? then what?"
"D, hunni, your having a baby?, and stop with this nonsense ok?, your beautiful and I love you... stop this worrying, your gonna be fine you'll see..."
She was down as she replied, "I hope your right?, but if I'm left with trailing skin 2 miles long following behind my butt, don't forget I told you so..."
"Look, if the very worse happens I'll still love you, your my wife and mommy to our lil one in here?" I patted her stomach. "So stop already... your are beautiful..." I reached over and kissed her lips...
A weak smile spread across her ruby read glowing lips, truthfully, D looked the mother of perfect health and she was glowing, and mother hood definitely agreed with her. While I was studying her she started again... "what?, what's with you now, why you looking at me all funny like that?"
"I aint looking at you funny, I just thinking how beautiful you are"
"Yeah right, if being a whale is beautiful, I'm your gal..."
"D, stop, you are beautiful....what's with you? your normally the voice of reason, I'm usually the ass.."
I chose the wrong words on the wrong day... "oh so I'm an ass now am I?, I'm feeling pretty low about myself, but I'm an ass... well thanks a heap Jon..."
she stood and walked over to the window and turned her back to me.
"Baby, listen that's not what I meant, and you know it. all's I meant was I'm the one that normally acts like a jack ass, your always my voice of reason, and your acting so out of character today, that's all... I'd never call you an ass..." I tried making light of it, "Well not to your face anyway, you'd kick my butt so hard I'd be in china before I knew it...."
She turned round to look at me, another weak smile on her lips... her face was still troubled, I patted the bed next to me and asked her to sit.
she moved over and sat, with her hand resting on the baby bump, she looked at me the same tears were still glistening in her eye's...
"Oh baby, what is it?"
"I'm scared Jon, really scared...your in here, I'm at home alone, its getting nearer and nearer, and still there's no talk of you coming home.... an well, I don't think I can cope alone..."
"your not gonna have to cope alone , I'm working real hard and I will be home for you and our new arrival, I promise.... I wont let you down.."
"Please Jon, don't make promises you can't keep... I spoke to your Dr before I came in today, she tells me that she don't think your immune system will be ready to cope...."
"What?"
"yeah, she says, your are now physically ready, but your body internally aint... she thinks it will be another few months yet... what am I gonna do?"
big sobs came as she let it all out... I sat stunned by what I heard, then I took control. taking D hand in mine I spoke, "Listen to me, the Dr knows her stuff right, but I know my body better than anyone, and I'm telling you baby, and promising you I will be ready and there for you both.... no questions... ok?"
through her tears she smiled, more this time like the D I knew... she squeezed my hand and looked deep into my eye's, "god I do hope so, I cant do this without you..." as she laid her head onto my shoulder my next fight was with my Doc, then myself to get ready for our new arrival, no more worrying, it was time to stand up and be counted... I was gonna be a pop....and I had to be there from the start no matter what.
