Chapter 53

I was determined since Doc had given me a reprieve and allowed me to stay that no matter what was asked of me I'd do, no matter the pain, I would prove I could be a good patient. when Doc told me to eat oatmeal, I ate oatmeal, when Doc told me rest, I rested, when I was told to push I pushed... there was nothing I refused to do, and everyday I got stronger and fitter.
D called in just gone lunch, she was blooming and her baby bump was growing, she had taken to walking with her hand resting protectively on her bump. A sure sign of a mom to be.
Bending over she kissed me on the cheek, "Hey, hows you?"
"Good babe, your blooming... all good?"
"Yeah, just a few nights when baby has the kick of a mule..."
I patted her stomach, "That's my boy..."
"Hey, how you know its a boy? it could be a daughter?"
resting my hand on her stomach and the baby bump, "I don't think so, what says you, eh son?" I pretended to put my ear to her stomach listening to the babys reply.
"I know, of course she won't, she will love you as much as I will... "
D looked at me smiling, "what are you talking about Jon?"
"mmm oh, our son asked if you would be disappointed if he was a boy and not the girl you are hoping for?, I told him no..."
"I really don't care what we are having, as long as the baby is healthy that's fine with me."
as she sat I pulled her gently towards me and kissed her lips, "me too."
"So what's on the cards for you today?"
"Same ol, physio, and stretching, then resting, followed by a delicious meal of fish and potatoes..."
"mmm, so you don't fancy coming to my baby shower then?"
"Baby shower?, when? where?"
"tomorrow, your mom has thrown one for us, I've been taking to Doc and she said as long as you use your chair you can have a day pass and collect $200 bucks and pass go?"
"really?, why she not tell me?"
"simple I asked her not too, I wanted to surprise you... so what ha say Jovi?"
"Jovi, he say yes....."
she hugged me, and I hugged her back, just as Doc came into my room.
D pulled back so we could see Doc, she was looking over my notes before she spoke. "Mmmm you are doing well Jon, keep it up.... at this rate, you will be home for Christmas..."
I was excited, but also down as Christmas was nine months away. "really that long?"
"Oh its not that long, and at least the finishing line is in place, you just have to finish a few marathons to get there."
D spoke, "Babe, you have worked so hard, pleased stay focused for me and the baby...I want you home."
I looked D in the eye, "I will stay focused I promised you didn't I?"
"yeah but you look so low right now?"
"no I'm not low, just shocked I've still got such a long way to go, but no matter I'll get there." Doc spoke, and interjected.
"good that's what I want to hear Jon, so onto brighter things are you looking forward to your day pass tomorrow?"
I nodded my head, "I sure am...."
D took up the conversation, "Doc he will behave I promise you..."
"you are aware it will mean the chair and the only time you can get out is when you need the bathroom... I'm serious here Jon, break the rules you will be back in the main stream hospital quicker than you can say living on a prayer... and you will be..."
I began to feel irked and it showed "Ok, look I know I screwed up at the awards, but I learnt my lesson, I promise you Ill do everything you tell me too."
"A little less attitude please Jon, and oh, no sex..."
What the fuck, where did that come from... I looked at the Doc surprised and shocked at her statement.
"I know how tempting it will be when your alone with your beautiful wife."
I just stared at the Doc, still shocked at her last statement.

Chapter 52

I was eating my breakfast when Doctor Kohn came in with another folder. D was resting on the side of the bed now. I set my fork down watching her as she checked the bag at the side of the bed. “Doc ..”

She looked up at me. “yes Jon....” She lifted the clipboard off the end of my bed and started writing on it. I h ad no idea what she was writing but she didn't look happy about it. She folded her arms waiting for me to speak.

I swallowed looking at my wife who was watching me. I took a deep breath . “I talked with Dottie … I am sorry ...” I rested against my pillows I itched to pull that damn thing out it was uncomfortable even though I was used to it slightly from before. “I promised her no more fighting .. and just concentrating on getting well....”

“no matter what it takes?” She asked.

“No matter what it takes ...” I said reluctantly. I didn't know what that meant but I did know I wasn't going to like it. I shifted to sit up wincing putting my hand on my left side it really did hurt like hell there. I didn't say anything as Doctor Kohn moved over to help me sit up better. I rested my head back.

“Jon I am not going to lie to you … you could have seriously done damage to your body and to the kidney you received right now its very swollen … its NOT being rejected...” I took a breath of relief on that account. “But it is acting up .. so we will have to put you on dialysis to ease some of the struggle its going through right now … once the swelling goes down and your output picks up we will stop and you'll feel better...”

“can can' you do that here ?” I asked hoping and praying that she would be able to. I really didn't want to go back to the hospital. I had seen a few of the other patients on dialysis machines one of the patients I had done therapy with had the same issue I did only he was still doing it once every few weeks.

“If I agree to do this here Jon there will be rules you will have to follow one is you are going to be on bed rest till we can get this situation fixed and there will be no bitching about it no bellyaching that you want out of the bed or out of the room... or I will transfer you to Riverview so fast it will make your head spin....” I nodded my head “secondly Mike will come in and help you with therapy in the bed we will still work with your legs and arms slowly while you are resting just not out of the bed .. and I want you to rest … no arguments …. you over did it and that has set you back … we don't want you to end up doing more damage to your body... we are just getting you to the point where you were able to walk down the bars you were gaining the weight that you needed …. we don't want a relapse. We are not doing this to piss you off Jon we are doing this because we want you to be able to walk out of this center and get back to your life even with the challenges you'll face the rest of your life...” She turned to me “DO we have a deal?”

"sure doc.. we do." she smiled a wry smile as she returned the chart board to the end of my bed. Dot sat up as she left.

"did I hear right Jon?"

"What? not sure on what she had heard and what she hadn't?, "that 1. you agree to Docs demands and 2. that you seriously have risked your life for an award?"

I was starting to feel irked, "thought you already knew Dot, that's why you came here to see me, to tell me about the spotting and the baby and stuff...."

moving my food tray away, I had no appetite  right now, Looking me in the eyes dot answered, "I had a suspicion, but I was not one hundred percent sure of the seriousness of it all. now I know, Jon you gotta promise..."

"I already have Dot, you heard me."

"mmm but I've heard all that before too.... Jon I beg you, for the sake our child and for me, do everything your told..."

I was feeling scalded like a two year old and it didn't sit well with me, but swallowing hard I looked dot back, right in the eye and made her the very same promise I had made the doc.

Kissing me on the lips, she got off the bed, "time I was away, this lil one keeps me up most nights, if it aint acid, its feeling pukey... " she was smiling as she spoke

I smiled right back at D, "it will be so worth it when baby Bongiovi arrives D, and I promise you I will be the very best Dad I can be..."

She smiled again, and flipping her hair over her shoulders she lent down and gave me another kiss, before she walked to the door, turned and waved and blew me another kiss as she left.

 

With her gone, I was left with a plate of half eaten food, and a cold coffee, great, Terri walked in as I was pulling the table back towards me. " Jon, what's with the half left food?" "Doc came to see me, we got talking and its cold now."

"Want me to go reheat it?"

I nodded my head, "Can I have a fresh coffee too?"

"Sure"

taking the food tray and the cold beverage, I snapped the TV on and watched some old movie that was on. My mind was not focused on the movie though but on everything that had happened today. Why did I always over think things? Why couldn't I just listen and do as I was asked?, answering my own silent question, "because I am a stubborn dumbass." just as Terri came back in with my food and fresh coffee.

"I miss something? who's a stubborn dumbass?, not you surely?"

I flushed, but nodded my head in agreement, Terri placed the tray on the table and slid it closer to me,

"my, my we have progress, does that mean, your gonna be a model patient from now on?" again I nodded as I took a bite of my food.

"Looks that way, can you handle a good patient Terri?"

She laughed as she walked to the door, turning to look back she winked, " can you? "

I grinned as I replied.. "Just watch me."

 

 

 

 

Chapter 51

"well doc?" the suspense was killing me. She looked at me, her face set in a hard frown causing her mouth to form in a thin line and a deep burrowed frown in her forehead.
"honestly Jon, I really don't know."
"Doc I swear, I'll do anything you ask me too. Please, I'm begging you, don't send me back..."
"I'll think about it, you will have my answer by dinner time. with that she left my room.
"Rich, can you talk to her?, get her to see..."
"Hey tough call Jon, I aint no medical guru...."
"No but you know what going back there will do to me right?"
"But it aint my call bro, sorry nothing I can do."
"Wont more like...."
"Hey what's with the attitude?"
I turned my face away from him.... I knew it was my own fault, but none the less we were friends and friends looked out for each other. that's how I was brought up anyway.
"Jon, explain the attitude? cause right now bro you are giving out way more than I can take"
snapping my head back round I spat back at him....
"And having no control over my own fucking life is more than I can take too, everyone thinks they no better..."
"thinks they know better?, try they do Jon, they are trained professionals, they have a vested interest in you, but do you appreciate that? no sir, you seem hell bent on defying them to risk your life " Rich was mad and made no bones about it, when he paced it was a real bad sign.... he carried on, " they save your life, fuck man I helped them do that, are you grateful?, well are you?"
without me having a chance to answer he continued... "no fucking way, but what you are Jon is full of your own self fucking pity and I for one have had my belly full of it. when you grow up Jon, give me a call." rich spun on his hells and left my room.

I was left reeling and in a state of shock. where had that come from. Was I really that much of a diva, having spent most of life keeping my feet on the ground, how did I miss that then? I was thinking on it when Teri came in.

"no activity for you today then?" I sat silent just staring at the ceiling. "Jon?"
my eyes flicked to look at Teri, mumbling my reply she stood at the end of my bed her hands on her hips and a frown on her face too.
"What?, what is with everyone today?"
"What's with the attitude more like Jon? What's gotten into you today?"
"Nothing, I'm just outta sorts I guess, I can have an off day can't I?"
"hmmm nothing to do with having to return to hospital then?"
"I'm definitely going then?"
"I dunno know Jon, I've heard it being talked about. Doc really is pissed at you."
"Look Teri I fucked up, I know that, but I really don't wanna go back there, can you help me?"
"Jon, I wish I could, but this is serious bud, Doc will make the right choice, to help though I would change your mind set and prove to her she has backed the right horse, you hear what I'm saying?"
I nodded my head, "Right I'll be back with your tray shortly ok?"
"Yeah, ok."
As Teri left D walked in, I could not stop myself... "Great judging by your face your gonna have a go too...alright then out with it?"
"Well hello nice to see you too Jon. Actually I was coming to show you a picture of your baby.... I had our first scan today."
my temper dropped instantly, but I was alarmed,
"that's early aint it?"
"Doc says no, I had a little spotting and they just wanted to check everything was ok?"
"And?"
"Everything is fine..."
I brightened up immediately, "So you got the picture?"
"Sure," D came and sat on the bed, and pulled out the picture from her purse.
"Daddy meet your baby..."
I took the picture in my hands and looked at the grey fuzzy image in front on me, tears sprang to my eye's as I looked at the picture and then at Dot.
"Its a...."
"Miracle.... I know, so what do you say Jon?"
"Say?, I don't follow?"
"Oh you do, your attitude, being pig headed and a dumbass?"
"Oh that?"
"Yes Oh that?"
"I'm sorry babe, but it's hard for me, ya know, don't do this, don't do that..."
"But why do they say that to you Jon?"
"To piss me off...no forget that, I know why, and I will try harder.. I will"
D looked at me seriously,
"Jon, I'm gonna level with ya ok?"
she took my hand, "I had spotting...."
"Spotting? What's that mean?"
"Spots of blood, Dr thinks its because of stress, I need to be calm, ok?,  no more fights between you wanting to do your own thing,..... fighting the Dr's,....." her eye's were pleading with me, " I need, no your baby and me need you to focus on getting well, we need you home, Ok, can you do that for us.... Please?"
I swallowed hard, D's pleas sinking in, we nearly lost our baby because of me being an ass. I took no time in replying, as I brought her hand to my lips, and made my vow and promise,
"D I love you more than anything, and our baby, from this moment on whatever the Doc say's I'll do no arguments I promise, that's  from the bottom of my heart. "
"Even if it means you gotta go back to hospital?"
"even that..." I smiled at her, and I meant everything I said, from now on I was gonna be a model patient, I had to get home and see my child born. I was gonna be a daddy after all.

Chapter 50

A few minutes later a gurney was brought into my room to take me to some tests. I hated the feeling that I had done something to set me back so badly. I laid on the gurney as Richie walked in. “hey Jon how you feeling .. “ he frowned “where are you going?”

I sighed knowing he was going to be angry with me again but then he was angry with me last night. “Doc wants to run some tests and I ache too much to sit up in the chair.... I might have set myself back ...” I whispered not wanting to say it loud enough for him to hear.

“how bad ...” his dark eyes pinned me.

“I could have caused my kidney to swell..” he was walking with me towards the testing area.

“Damn it fuckin Jon...” he growled shaking his head “D's gonna have your head if she finds out...” He sighed as they took me into the area for testing.

He set in the chair in the room while I was run through tests by the time they got done I was feeling even worse. Doctor Kohn's face when she looked through the results while were there were not promising she didn't say anything to me just told them to take me back to my room. I looked at Richie as he helped the orderlies push me back to my room and put me back to bed. I felt like crap my whole left side was killing me. I laid on my right side and rested my head against the pillow. Richie set in the chair by my bed. I looked at him “I am kind of scared Rich...what if I did something really stupid...”

Rich sighed “I don't know bud … but I'll stay here … with you.. Ma and Pop are with D at the trial starting today. I promised I'd sit with you while they were there. Don't think this absolves you of pulling that shit last night. “ he reminded me of announcing who gave me their kidney. He rested a hand on my arm when Doc came I with a nurse about an hour later. . We both swallowed seeing her holding tubing. THAT was not a good sign.

“Doc?” my voice was kind of faint staring at that.

“Jon the tests were not good...” She shook her head holding the folder. “your kidney is swollen … and we are worried with the trouble before we have to watch the output …I am thinking we are going to have to have you transferred back to Riverview...” She sighed “we are also going to have to put you back on the catheter till we can arrange for the transport...”

My heart dropped into my stomach and a fought a tear that ran down my face. I closed my eyes “back to the hospital?! “ My voice was hoarse. I didn't want to be shoved back into the hospital but I Knew I had sent my health back. Doctor Kohn didn't look promising. Why the fuck did I do what I did. Why the fuck did I have to be so fuckin stubborn. MR Macho have to do what I want. Now I had fucked up. I looked at Richie who's face was as pale as mine my head dropped to the pillow. “shit D is going to kill me....”

“Jon I warned you of this possibility when you started on the rehabilitation...” Doctor Kohn stated softly. “its why we have the patients take it slowly … it was why I was reluctant to even let you GO to the awards last night. ….. your body is still in a state where over doing things can cause consequences.” She set the folder on the side while the male nurse walked over to the side of the bed. “Richie could you please the room while we set Jon back up ...”

He looked at me “can I stay Doc … “ he could tell I was upset. “I won't look man I just don't want to leave him on his own .. He's already upset enough...” He stated even though he still was angry I knew he was trying to be there for me.

She looked at me but I just nodded my head I didn't care Richie had seen me at my worse. A few embarrassing minutes later where a screen hid me from Richie for a second I was propped up against the pillows with the bag hanging off my bed. This sucked. I didn't want to go back into the hospital. “Doc?”

She looked up from where she was checking my other vitals. “Yes Jon...” She was writing in the chart by my bed.

“is there anyway …. I'll do anything … you ask of me please don't send me back into the hospital … please....” The idea of being shoved back in there setting like a cold stone in my stomach.

Chapter 49

When I woke next morning I felt more than achy, I felt like a steam truck had ran over my body in every way it could, lifting my arms was like being asked to lift a ton weight. Struggling I managed to adjust myself from lying to sitting, and breathlessly sat, with beads of sweat forming just as Teri walked in with my breakfast tray.
She eyed me and stood next to the bed before speaking and placing the tray on my bed table. "Morning Jon, So Doc tells me you walked at the awards last night?, how's you feel this morning?"
I was not sure if she was asking out of concern or if she was mocking me.
"You care?"
hurt flickered across her face... "Hell yeah I care, I have gotten to know you, .... I'm struggling to understand why you did that though?, you have set yourself right back bud?, and ok, its none of my business but I gotta ask why?, doc told you the score, why risk it eh?"
"its simple, it was not Jon Bon Jovi winning the award it was Bon Jovi, Teri, how could I go on stage and lap it all in sympathy?, eh?, I couldn't do it....... and right now I wish I hadn't, I feel like shit," my eye's looked over and out of the window, the sun was rising and it looked to be a great sunny day,..... in my room.... heavy dark clouds were looming...
"well, lets start you back on track ok, eat your breakfast and I'll be back...." she walked to the door and turned just before she left.... "oh Jon, I get it!" smiling she left.

Lifting the covers on my food, I thought at least someone understands. When I first met teri, I was not sure what to think of her. She was pushy but direct, and I wanted to hate her, but as the months had gone on I respected her and had really gotten to know and like her. lifting  the spoon of oatmeal to my mouth  I smiled to myself, just as Doc walked in.

"Good Morning Jon, how are we feeling today?"
she moved round to the window and perched on the ledge as she studied me and my movements.
I didn't want her to know how bad I was hurting so tried like always to make lighter than it was.
"I'm ok, just ache a little?"
"Really? so moving your arms and legs is no big thing this morning?"
I felt trapped and like I was being asked a trick question and there was a danger in the Docs voice that gave me the warning... I decided on telling the truth.
"Ok, I hurt all over Doc, but I only walked 15 metres to the stage and back, I do more than that in rehab.... I don't get it...."
"Yeah Jon, you do walk more than rehab, but you are aided the whole time. Why did I tell you to use the chair?"
now I felt like I was being scalded by my teacher, and I was being asked a question that my dumbass could not answer.
"ok, I get it, I went against your rules.....but Doc you need to understand why, but then you won't care..."
"Really Jon, acting like a sulking school boy will get you no where. it matters not why you did it, I can only surmise that you don't care about anyone but what you want?"
I glared at her I was so angry, I had to explain and make her see why I had risked everything.
"Right, so you are perfect then are you Doc?, never make mistakes? well?"
"no Jon I am not perfect, but I am not the one in question here you are?"
"Look do me a favour Doc, stop trying to lecture me like your my mom, ok, I am old enough to make my own choices, and until last night I had done everything you had asked, and more right?"
"Right but..."
"No, you need to listen to me this time, this is a two way street." taking a breath I paused and gathered my thoughts and spoke again much calmer.
"Last night,,,, seeing my peers, seeing all my friends... was , well, good but not good, the look on their faces seeing me in the chair showed me the pity they felt for me. it hurt ya know, being shown pity. that's not what I am about or Bon Jovi. Robin Williams made a speech about me, and they put the spotlight on me front and centre. man it was awful, then I spent the rest of the night wanting to be anywhere but there. all my thoughts were thinking about having to use the ramp and be pushed on stage to get the award......... I-I just could not do it....."
"I'm sure no one looked at you in pity, that's what you thought and what you wanted to see..."
"you were not there, I was...so when they announced us as the winner, I stood...... rich and the guy's helped me to the stage, you see Doc, it was not about Jon Bon Jovi getting the award, this was about Bon Jovi being honoured with an award and that mean Tico, Dave and Rich too."
She looked at me, and surrendered and accepted why I had done what I had... I looked over to her and apologised...
"Ok, well lets run some tests and see what damage you have done ok?, nurse will be in shortly to take some bloods."
I was worried, and scared... nervously I asked... " what's the worst thing I could have done?"
"caused your kidney to swell, but lets hope its not that bad...finish your breakfast.. I'll see you later with the results."
as she left the room, I ate my breakfast and prayed real hard that I had not done anything to serious, but the way my body was feeling, I feared the worst.

Chapter 48

The rest of the night went slow, and although Richie spoke to me, I sensed the atmosphere building between us. Dave and Teek were oblivious and just chatted away.

I needed to talk to rich, I know I had done it all wrong, but at the initial moment, it just seemed right. Why shouldn't everyone know Rich was the reason I was alive? either way, the internal argument and turmoil I felt could not take away what I had done was wrong. Man if Rich had done that to me, I would have screamed from the roof tops and sulked like a dumbass. I had to respect the man, and somehow put it right.

At the end of the night, as we left with each celebrity waiting on the car table to be told when their chauffer had arrived. the distance between Rich and me was now blatantly obvious, this time Teek and Dave picked up on the vibes too.
Dave was the first to ask as we sat back in the car for the ride home, the award wedged between Rich and me.
"So what's eating Rich?, you aint spoke to Jon since the stage? what's your beef man?"
for the second time that night, Rich gave the stink eye. " Leave it ok Dave.... Just leave it..."
"ok..."
Dave shook his head and looked out of the window, as Teek took up the conversation. "Rich, seriously man, we were having a great time, but..... I dunno its like you want away from us all...what we done Eh?"
"Teek, leave it man, you aint done nothing... ok...."
Rich turned his head away and I could see his jaw clench, his hands hanging between his thighs and clenched in a fist. this time I had to speak.
"rich, I'm sorry, really, I'm sorry... I should not have announced it at the awards... but..."
"no, forget it Jon, ok, I told you I never wanted to be acknowledged as the donor that saved your life, I told you that man.... now I look like I'm saint fucking Richie....wtf"
"I know I'm a dumbass..."
"No Jon, Your a fucking assole..."
"Ok, assole.. but you gonna just ignore me then?, I said I'm sorry..."
"Yeah that's right, as long as you say your sorry then everything is fine right?, well Jon this time it aint..... so can you just shut the fuck up and leave me alone please... really" holding his hand in the air inches from my face he shook his head, "I just don't wanna talk to you or anyone right now ok..?"
I gave in and just sighed and all of us sat in silence as we headed back to the rehab centre.

As the driver pulled the car to a halt, I asked Teek if her could help me back to my room, he was about to answer when rich butted in, "Look I said I would pick you up and bring you back, just cause one of us is an assole, don't me I gotta be too." Rich got outta the car and met driver round back by the trunk. Teek looked at me and winked, "Don't stress it Jon, he'll be fine ok, when the ladies come hovering offering their attention he'll be right you'll see..."
I smiled at Teek, "I hope so bud.." then we both lent forward and hugged, same with Dave, then with the award in my hands I edged to the open door, got out and into the chair Richie was stood behind.

Before he took me inside I thanked the driver, then without another word Richie pushed me back into rehab.
I was aching and my back and sides and legs were hurting real bad, but I kept quiet, but as we reached my room, and Richie helped me out and assisted me getting undressed on more than one occasion I flinched. When he saw it, his mood changed and the caring Richie I knew was looking at me concern etched on his face.
"You ok?"
fighting back the tears, I nodded. as he eased my legs into bed, he saw me grimace again, "Jon, what the fuck?"
"with a weak voice I answered..." Really, I'm ok, just over done it I guess..." damp beads of sweat had begun to break out on my forehead, Rich saw and took off outta the room to get a nurse.
through the door in minutes was my Doctor with Rich, a serious concerned look on her face.

"Jon, Rich tells me you walked tonight?"
meekly I nodded.
"I see, so all my talks completely ignored then?"
"Look honestly Doc, I just wanted to do it for the guy's... I...."
"Right, and when you die because of doing it for the guys, will that be your memorial and how you want to be remembered?"
I shook my head...
"Right, so you have just put your body back in time Jon, and I hope I can repair the damage you have done.... " she turned and left the room but returned with an injection, and without anymore talk she injected into my arm..... and it all went black.......

Chapter 47

The evening was running a full speed, the drinks were flowing and everyone but me was having a good time, looking at the guys they whooped and cheered for every artist that won an award, Madonna had already collected her award for best female artist, her attitude fitting in with her ego. Teek congratulated her as she sat back down at the table, and let me tell ya, not much shocks teek but her reply did. "about muther fucking time they realised how fucking hot and good I am, this is owed to me not deserved." kissing the award she sat down and gave a two finger salute in the air. I'm not denying that she has talent, but this broad was more like a guy than a women, and it was ugly to watch. My mind drifted for a moment and my thoughts, about Madonna, and about if a guy climbed into bed with her, and couldn't help smiling as an image of her throwing the guy down on the bed and having sex with him, she would sure the hell be a badass bitch between the sheets as in real life, and the guy had better not have any preconceptions about making love to her, cause she would fuck him up real good.

 

More clapping and cheering that brought my attention and was snapped back to the events unfolding and the award I had been dreading, The best Band, my heart halted in my mouth, which was dry and I could not swallow as Robin, ran through all the nominee's sure to god we were in the nominations.

 

Hardly able to breathe I waited for the announcement, dragging it out making it more painful, Robin called Cher to the stage to make the final announcement of the winner and the presentation.

I muttered under my breath, "for the love of god, just announce the winner already"

Bono's hand rested on my shoulder as he leaned in and whispered "Good luck man" I smiled and nodded and wished him the same.

 

Cher stood in front of the mic and muttered those immortal words, "And the winner is............."  my heart was pounding so hard I was sure it was gonna leap outta my chest, the tension was surreal, and she dragged it out for the longest time... finally she announced the winner...... 

"Bon Jovi....."

whoops and cheers, and clapping, rang out all around us, the spotlight hitting us all front and centre, capturing Rich and the guy's all high fiving each other, I smiled at them, but I was sad, and scared, the moment had come to go up on stage. I don't know why, I guess all my senses left me for a millisecond as I stood, rich looked at me,  I was determined I would not use the chair, no way.... I returned the look and he could see the pleading in my eye's so, said nothing and took my arm, the guys all  saw and fitting in around me too, as slowly we all walked to the stage.

I knew I was gonna have to face the shit tomorrow, but it was my body, and I wanted to do it my way, this was Bon Jovi's moment not just mine, the guys deserved the recognition. and as I've said;  the chair was a symbol of pity for me, and I sure the hell was not gonna allow that to happen.

 

 On stage slowly we reached Cher, leaning in she hugged and kissed each of us and then handed the award to me. I took a moment to read the inscription on the plaque, and could not stop smiling.  I looked out to the audience and was about to make a thank you speech, but was stopped as the whole audience were on the feet still clapping and cheering for us.

 

Our peers were giving us a standing ovation, I was blown away, I looked to the guys, who had all stood back and were clapping too, as the penny finally dropped, I realised they were all standing for me. 

Now faced with the facts, I realised it was not out of pity, but respect for what I had gone through, boy my attitude had been wrong, Swallowing back my tears,  I cleared my throat and lent forward and spoke into the mic. 
.

 

"thank you." I paused and waited for the clapping to stop, as the ripples died down to a single clap I spoke." thank you, you know, we are a small town bar band from New jersey, and receiving this award means we have now hit our first target... we have conquered our first mountain, and  without the support and help of our fans, family, friends, well.... we would not be standing here...... so; thank you and...... we love you all" astounding rings of the clapping resounded in my ears as I stood back to let Rich say a few words, I just looked out at the audience taking it all I., As Rich ended his speech he stood back, to let Dave and Teek say there thanks too, as Teek stood back I lent forward to the Mic again.  

The clapping almost stopped instantly,  

"Sorry, before we go I just want to touch on something that you all have a need to know, Glancing across at Richie I continued,"  I promise I'll keep it short and it wont be an Oscar speech." Ripples of laughter was heard, then as  the laughter died and the silence descended again and, completely focused I began.  

 

"So anyone that knows me will tell ya, I'm a real pain in the butt and a total workaholic,  I paused and looked at the guy's who were nodding in agreement, " thing is, it's just cause I never want to let anyone down, my work ethic is you keep going till ya cant keep going anymore..... let me say that ethic is now under reconstruction., and for good reason..." 

I had the audience they were hanging on my every word... as I carried on...   

" As everyone now knows  at the end of the last tour, and after our last night on stage I collapsed. ......, yeah I know the press were told it was exhaustion, and some of that is true, but it was more than that...."

"During the tour I had issues with my voice, hitting the B flat's night every night, caused damage to my chords. the guy's told me to rest, but I carried on after being given steroids. A temporary fix to my problem."

"and that was the problem, due to the months of abuse, my body could not take it anymore and it resulted in my body shutting down and me having kidney failure. Sure, I had dialysis for months, but even that was no good. I needed a donor to live." taking a pause I continued.... " And I am very pleased to say, a match was found......" I looked to my left and saw Richie shaking his head, his eyes pleading with me not to do it, but I carried on.... it was time everyone knew that Rich had saved my life.....

" Ladies and gentlemen, Pease share the love and give it up for my donor and my band brother and Mr Richie Sambora..."

the audience erupted, screams, whistles, clapping cheering, and another standing ovation this time for Richie. He looked pretty pissed as he stood at the mic. for the first time in my life Richie Sambora gave me the stink eye.