Chapter 50

A few minutes later a gurney was brought into my room to take me to some tests. I hated the feeling that I had done something to set me back so badly. I laid on the gurney as Richie walked in. “hey Jon how you feeling .. “ he frowned “where are you going?”

I sighed knowing he was going to be angry with me again but then he was angry with me last night. “Doc wants to run some tests and I ache too much to sit up in the chair.... I might have set myself back ...” I whispered not wanting to say it loud enough for him to hear.

“how bad ...” his dark eyes pinned me.

“I could have caused my kidney to swell..” he was walking with me towards the testing area.

“Damn it fuckin Jon...” he growled shaking his head “D's gonna have your head if she finds out...” He sighed as they took me into the area for testing.

He set in the chair in the room while I was run through tests by the time they got done I was feeling even worse. Doctor Kohn's face when she looked through the results while were there were not promising she didn't say anything to me just told them to take me back to my room. I looked at Richie as he helped the orderlies push me back to my room and put me back to bed. I felt like crap my whole left side was killing me. I laid on my right side and rested my head against the pillow. Richie set in the chair by my bed. I looked at him “I am kind of scared Rich...what if I did something really stupid...”

Rich sighed “I don't know bud … but I'll stay here … with you.. Ma and Pop are with D at the trial starting today. I promised I'd sit with you while they were there. Don't think this absolves you of pulling that shit last night. “ he reminded me of announcing who gave me their kidney. He rested a hand on my arm when Doc came I with a nurse about an hour later. . We both swallowed seeing her holding tubing. THAT was not a good sign.

“Doc?” my voice was kind of faint staring at that.

“Jon the tests were not good...” She shook her head holding the folder. “your kidney is swollen … and we are worried with the trouble before we have to watch the output …I am thinking we are going to have to have you transferred back to Riverview...” She sighed “we are also going to have to put you back on the catheter till we can arrange for the transport...”

My heart dropped into my stomach and a fought a tear that ran down my face. I closed my eyes “back to the hospital?! “ My voice was hoarse. I didn't want to be shoved back into the hospital but I Knew I had sent my health back. Doctor Kohn didn't look promising. Why the fuck did I do what I did. Why the fuck did I have to be so fuckin stubborn. MR Macho have to do what I want. Now I had fucked up. I looked at Richie who's face was as pale as mine my head dropped to the pillow. “shit D is going to kill me....”

“Jon I warned you of this possibility when you started on the rehabilitation...” Doctor Kohn stated softly. “its why we have the patients take it slowly … it was why I was reluctant to even let you GO to the awards last night. ….. your body is still in a state where over doing things can cause consequences.” She set the folder on the side while the male nurse walked over to the side of the bed. “Richie could you please the room while we set Jon back up ...”

He looked at me “can I stay Doc … “ he could tell I was upset. “I won't look man I just don't want to leave him on his own .. He's already upset enough...” He stated even though he still was angry I knew he was trying to be there for me.

She looked at me but I just nodded my head I didn't care Richie had seen me at my worse. A few embarrassing minutes later where a screen hid me from Richie for a second I was propped up against the pillows with the bag hanging off my bed. This sucked. I didn't want to go back into the hospital. “Doc?”

She looked up from where she was checking my other vitals. “Yes Jon...” She was writing in the chart by my bed.

“is there anyway …. I'll do anything … you ask of me please don't send me back into the hospital … please....” The idea of being shoved back in there setting like a cold stone in my stomach.

Chapter 49

When I woke next morning I felt more than achy, I felt like a steam truck had ran over my body in every way it could, lifting my arms was like being asked to lift a ton weight. Struggling I managed to adjust myself from lying to sitting, and breathlessly sat, with beads of sweat forming just as Teri walked in with my breakfast tray.
She eyed me and stood next to the bed before speaking and placing the tray on my bed table. "Morning Jon, So Doc tells me you walked at the awards last night?, how's you feel this morning?"
I was not sure if she was asking out of concern or if she was mocking me.
"You care?"
hurt flickered across her face... "Hell yeah I care, I have gotten to know you, .... I'm struggling to understand why you did that though?, you have set yourself right back bud?, and ok, its none of my business but I gotta ask why?, doc told you the score, why risk it eh?"
"its simple, it was not Jon Bon Jovi winning the award it was Bon Jovi, Teri, how could I go on stage and lap it all in sympathy?, eh?, I couldn't do it....... and right now I wish I hadn't, I feel like shit," my eye's looked over and out of the window, the sun was rising and it looked to be a great sunny day,..... in my room.... heavy dark clouds were looming...
"well, lets start you back on track ok, eat your breakfast and I'll be back...." she walked to the door and turned just before she left.... "oh Jon, I get it!" smiling she left.

Lifting the covers on my food, I thought at least someone understands. When I first met teri, I was not sure what to think of her. She was pushy but direct, and I wanted to hate her, but as the months had gone on I respected her and had really gotten to know and like her. lifting  the spoon of oatmeal to my mouth  I smiled to myself, just as Doc walked in.

"Good Morning Jon, how are we feeling today?"
she moved round to the window and perched on the ledge as she studied me and my movements.
I didn't want her to know how bad I was hurting so tried like always to make lighter than it was.
"I'm ok, just ache a little?"
"Really? so moving your arms and legs is no big thing this morning?"
I felt trapped and like I was being asked a trick question and there was a danger in the Docs voice that gave me the warning... I decided on telling the truth.
"Ok, I hurt all over Doc, but I only walked 15 metres to the stage and back, I do more than that in rehab.... I don't get it...."
"Yeah Jon, you do walk more than rehab, but you are aided the whole time. Why did I tell you to use the chair?"
now I felt like I was being scalded by my teacher, and I was being asked a question that my dumbass could not answer.
"ok, I get it, I went against your rules.....but Doc you need to understand why, but then you won't care..."
"Really Jon, acting like a sulking school boy will get you no where. it matters not why you did it, I can only surmise that you don't care about anyone but what you want?"
I glared at her I was so angry, I had to explain and make her see why I had risked everything.
"Right, so you are perfect then are you Doc?, never make mistakes? well?"
"no Jon I am not perfect, but I am not the one in question here you are?"
"Look do me a favour Doc, stop trying to lecture me like your my mom, ok, I am old enough to make my own choices, and until last night I had done everything you had asked, and more right?"
"Right but..."
"No, you need to listen to me this time, this is a two way street." taking a breath I paused and gathered my thoughts and spoke again much calmer.
"Last night,,,, seeing my peers, seeing all my friends... was , well, good but not good, the look on their faces seeing me in the chair showed me the pity they felt for me. it hurt ya know, being shown pity. that's not what I am about or Bon Jovi. Robin Williams made a speech about me, and they put the spotlight on me front and centre. man it was awful, then I spent the rest of the night wanting to be anywhere but there. all my thoughts were thinking about having to use the ramp and be pushed on stage to get the award......... I-I just could not do it....."
"I'm sure no one looked at you in pity, that's what you thought and what you wanted to see..."
"you were not there, I was...so when they announced us as the winner, I stood...... rich and the guy's helped me to the stage, you see Doc, it was not about Jon Bon Jovi getting the award, this was about Bon Jovi being honoured with an award and that mean Tico, Dave and Rich too."
She looked at me, and surrendered and accepted why I had done what I had... I looked over to her and apologised...
"Ok, well lets run some tests and see what damage you have done ok?, nurse will be in shortly to take some bloods."
I was worried, and scared... nervously I asked... " what's the worst thing I could have done?"
"caused your kidney to swell, but lets hope its not that bad...finish your breakfast.. I'll see you later with the results."
as she left the room, I ate my breakfast and prayed real hard that I had not done anything to serious, but the way my body was feeling, I feared the worst.

Chapter 48

The rest of the night went slow, and although Richie spoke to me, I sensed the atmosphere building between us. Dave and Teek were oblivious and just chatted away.

I needed to talk to rich, I know I had done it all wrong, but at the initial moment, it just seemed right. Why shouldn't everyone know Rich was the reason I was alive? either way, the internal argument and turmoil I felt could not take away what I had done was wrong. Man if Rich had done that to me, I would have screamed from the roof tops and sulked like a dumbass. I had to respect the man, and somehow put it right.

At the end of the night, as we left with each celebrity waiting on the car table to be told when their chauffer had arrived. the distance between Rich and me was now blatantly obvious, this time Teek and Dave picked up on the vibes too.
Dave was the first to ask as we sat back in the car for the ride home, the award wedged between Rich and me.
"So what's eating Rich?, you aint spoke to Jon since the stage? what's your beef man?"
for the second time that night, Rich gave the stink eye. " Leave it ok Dave.... Just leave it..."
"ok..."
Dave shook his head and looked out of the window, as Teek took up the conversation. "Rich, seriously man, we were having a great time, but..... I dunno its like you want away from us all...what we done Eh?"
"Teek, leave it man, you aint done nothing... ok...."
Rich turned his head away and I could see his jaw clench, his hands hanging between his thighs and clenched in a fist. this time I had to speak.
"rich, I'm sorry, really, I'm sorry... I should not have announced it at the awards... but..."
"no, forget it Jon, ok, I told you I never wanted to be acknowledged as the donor that saved your life, I told you that man.... now I look like I'm saint fucking Richie....wtf"
"I know I'm a dumbass..."
"No Jon, Your a fucking assole..."
"Ok, assole.. but you gonna just ignore me then?, I said I'm sorry..."
"Yeah that's right, as long as you say your sorry then everything is fine right?, well Jon this time it aint..... so can you just shut the fuck up and leave me alone please... really" holding his hand in the air inches from my face he shook his head, "I just don't wanna talk to you or anyone right now ok..?"
I gave in and just sighed and all of us sat in silence as we headed back to the rehab centre.

As the driver pulled the car to a halt, I asked Teek if her could help me back to my room, he was about to answer when rich butted in, "Look I said I would pick you up and bring you back, just cause one of us is an assole, don't me I gotta be too." Rich got outta the car and met driver round back by the trunk. Teek looked at me and winked, "Don't stress it Jon, he'll be fine ok, when the ladies come hovering offering their attention he'll be right you'll see..."
I smiled at Teek, "I hope so bud.." then we both lent forward and hugged, same with Dave, then with the award in my hands I edged to the open door, got out and into the chair Richie was stood behind.

Before he took me inside I thanked the driver, then without another word Richie pushed me back into rehab.
I was aching and my back and sides and legs were hurting real bad, but I kept quiet, but as we reached my room, and Richie helped me out and assisted me getting undressed on more than one occasion I flinched. When he saw it, his mood changed and the caring Richie I knew was looking at me concern etched on his face.
"You ok?"
fighting back the tears, I nodded. as he eased my legs into bed, he saw me grimace again, "Jon, what the fuck?"
"with a weak voice I answered..." Really, I'm ok, just over done it I guess..." damp beads of sweat had begun to break out on my forehead, Rich saw and took off outta the room to get a nurse.
through the door in minutes was my Doctor with Rich, a serious concerned look on her face.

"Jon, Rich tells me you walked tonight?"
meekly I nodded.
"I see, so all my talks completely ignored then?"
"Look honestly Doc, I just wanted to do it for the guy's... I...."
"Right, and when you die because of doing it for the guys, will that be your memorial and how you want to be remembered?"
I shook my head...
"Right, so you have just put your body back in time Jon, and I hope I can repair the damage you have done.... " she turned and left the room but returned with an injection, and without anymore talk she injected into my arm..... and it all went black.......

Chapter 47

The evening was running a full speed, the drinks were flowing and everyone but me was having a good time, looking at the guys they whooped and cheered for every artist that won an award, Madonna had already collected her award for best female artist, her attitude fitting in with her ego. Teek congratulated her as she sat back down at the table, and let me tell ya, not much shocks teek but her reply did. "about muther fucking time they realised how fucking hot and good I am, this is owed to me not deserved." kissing the award she sat down and gave a two finger salute in the air. I'm not denying that she has talent, but this broad was more like a guy than a women, and it was ugly to watch. My mind drifted for a moment and my thoughts, about Madonna, and about if a guy climbed into bed with her, and couldn't help smiling as an image of her throwing the guy down on the bed and having sex with him, she would sure the hell be a badass bitch between the sheets as in real life, and the guy had better not have any preconceptions about making love to her, cause she would fuck him up real good.

 

More clapping and cheering that brought my attention and was snapped back to the events unfolding and the award I had been dreading, The best Band, my heart halted in my mouth, which was dry and I could not swallow as Robin, ran through all the nominee's sure to god we were in the nominations.

 

Hardly able to breathe I waited for the announcement, dragging it out making it more painful, Robin called Cher to the stage to make the final announcement of the winner and the presentation.

I muttered under my breath, "for the love of god, just announce the winner already"

Bono's hand rested on my shoulder as he leaned in and whispered "Good luck man" I smiled and nodded and wished him the same.

 

Cher stood in front of the mic and muttered those immortal words, "And the winner is............."  my heart was pounding so hard I was sure it was gonna leap outta my chest, the tension was surreal, and she dragged it out for the longest time... finally she announced the winner...... 

"Bon Jovi....."

whoops and cheers, and clapping, rang out all around us, the spotlight hitting us all front and centre, capturing Rich and the guy's all high fiving each other, I smiled at them, but I was sad, and scared, the moment had come to go up on stage. I don't know why, I guess all my senses left me for a millisecond as I stood, rich looked at me,  I was determined I would not use the chair, no way.... I returned the look and he could see the pleading in my eye's so, said nothing and took my arm, the guys all  saw and fitting in around me too, as slowly we all walked to the stage.

I knew I was gonna have to face the shit tomorrow, but it was my body, and I wanted to do it my way, this was Bon Jovi's moment not just mine, the guys deserved the recognition. and as I've said;  the chair was a symbol of pity for me, and I sure the hell was not gonna allow that to happen.

 

 On stage slowly we reached Cher, leaning in she hugged and kissed each of us and then handed the award to me. I took a moment to read the inscription on the plaque, and could not stop smiling.  I looked out to the audience and was about to make a thank you speech, but was stopped as the whole audience were on the feet still clapping and cheering for us.

 

Our peers were giving us a standing ovation, I was blown away, I looked to the guys, who had all stood back and were clapping too, as the penny finally dropped, I realised they were all standing for me. 

Now faced with the facts, I realised it was not out of pity, but respect for what I had gone through, boy my attitude had been wrong, Swallowing back my tears,  I cleared my throat and lent forward and spoke into the mic. 
.

 

"thank you." I paused and waited for the clapping to stop, as the ripples died down to a single clap I spoke." thank you, you know, we are a small town bar band from New jersey, and receiving this award means we have now hit our first target... we have conquered our first mountain, and  without the support and help of our fans, family, friends, well.... we would not be standing here...... so; thank you and...... we love you all" astounding rings of the clapping resounded in my ears as I stood back to let Rich say a few words, I just looked out at the audience taking it all I., As Rich ended his speech he stood back, to let Dave and Teek say there thanks too, as Teek stood back I lent forward to the Mic again.  

The clapping almost stopped instantly,  

"Sorry, before we go I just want to touch on something that you all have a need to know, Glancing across at Richie I continued,"  I promise I'll keep it short and it wont be an Oscar speech." Ripples of laughter was heard, then as  the laughter died and the silence descended again and, completely focused I began.  

 

"So anyone that knows me will tell ya, I'm a real pain in the butt and a total workaholic,  I paused and looked at the guy's who were nodding in agreement, " thing is, it's just cause I never want to let anyone down, my work ethic is you keep going till ya cant keep going anymore..... let me say that ethic is now under reconstruction., and for good reason..." 

I had the audience they were hanging on my every word... as I carried on...   

" As everyone now knows  at the end of the last tour, and after our last night on stage I collapsed. ......, yeah I know the press were told it was exhaustion, and some of that is true, but it was more than that...."

"During the tour I had issues with my voice, hitting the B flat's night every night, caused damage to my chords. the guy's told me to rest, but I carried on after being given steroids. A temporary fix to my problem."

"and that was the problem, due to the months of abuse, my body could not take it anymore and it resulted in my body shutting down and me having kidney failure. Sure, I had dialysis for months, but even that was no good. I needed a donor to live." taking a pause I continued.... " And I am very pleased to say, a match was found......" I looked to my left and saw Richie shaking his head, his eyes pleading with me not to do it, but I carried on.... it was time everyone knew that Rich had saved my life.....

" Ladies and gentlemen, Pease share the love and give it up for my donor and my band brother and Mr Richie Sambora..."

the audience erupted, screams, whistles, clapping cheering, and another standing ovation this time for Richie. He looked pretty pissed as he stood at the mic. for the first time in my life Richie Sambora gave me the stink eye.

 

 

 

Chapter 46

I was met with whistles as rich and I walked back into my room, my mom had a smile a mile wide and tears in her eyes. She walked over to me and kissed me and held my face and kept calling me her baby over and over.

Rich saw my discomfort and moved to the door to distracted my mom,

"so, that's us then I guess, you ready Jonny?" I nodded so my mom would release me from her gentle embrace. she did and wished me luck, then Dot leant in and kissed me and said

"I'll see you tomorrow and you can tell me all about it. and Jon, behave ok?, we want no relapses"  again I  nodded. I just wished I could have walked like every one else, I was not comfortable having to go in the wheelchair, but if I wanted to attend the award that was the only way it would happen, so I sat waiting. 

Rich wedged the door open and came back for me, and got behind my chair, "so you ready for the ride of your life bro?" I looked up and back at him, "You bet your sweet ass I am." "Right lets go!" Both Rich and I saluted to my mom and Dot as Rich set off at a fast pace out of the rehab centre to the waiting limo.

 

As I got in, Teek and Dave were all ready inside. "Hey Jon, you look smart." the banter started. "Do I?"

"Yeah, your not as good looking at me though."

"Is that right Dave"

"well yeah, one I'm younger than you, 2, I'm more sexy than you,..."

I couldn't help myself and finished his next sentence for him..." and three, you have a bigger head than me..." Teek laughed, "that told you. seriously you look good jon."

"Thanks Teek, I feel great, just wish I could walk.... it's embarrassing being in the chair ya know?"

"Why?"

"cause, well it is... I hate being treated like a cripple... especially when I can walk... I feel a fraud..."

"Jon, man, are you for real?, you have been at deaths door and have recovered to be here where you are today and your worried because you still need the aid of a chair?"
"It's not about worrying Teek... " I thought on what I wanted to say, but before I could answer

Dave joined in too, "Man how you think people cope when they have to use one forever cause they are paralysed?, sorry Jon but your being ungrateful."

Then Rich carried on, " I guess it's not cool right as far as the Bon Jovi image goes, aint that it Jon?."
"no that's not it at all Rich, look I've worked so hard to get where I am, I just think I deserve being able to stand on my own two feet now... that's all..."

"well as good as your doing Doc say's chair so I'm going with that... and no what, so are you Jon, so please stop whining ok, lets enjoy the night..." the guy's second Rich, which left me out numbered and having to ride with it.
thankfully spirits were high and the banter started again, and continued until we reached the venue.

The limo pulled up kerbside, Rich lent forward and spoke to the driver, it was decided that he will get the chair from the trunk and set it up passenger side, then Rich could push me round to join Dave and teek as they got out on to the red carpet. Dave and Teek nodded and agreed to wait until Rich tapped on the window to tell them to get out, that way we all arrived together.

The car rocked and the drivers door slammed as he went to the trunk, in a minute the chair was along side the door and it was time to make my move. The door opened and Rich got out first then assisted me to stand before getting me settled in my chair. "You want the throw on your legs?" rich had my reply I just gave him the stink eye, "I guess not" he laughed " so you ready" "Yeah, I'm ready, lets do this.."
Rich tapped the window and then pushed me round to the red carpet, like clock work we met with Dave and Teek, together with the flashing of camera's and press. We all posed briefly before moving along to the entrance.

The TV crew and TV camera's were set up by the entrance all trying to catch a word with the bands as they entered. Rich lent down, "you wanna go straight past?" "Yeah" I was not ready for the intimate questions they would ask, just in front of us was Bono from U2, Rich caught his attention and he hung back to chat, allowing Areosmith and Steve to have their moment first.
"Yo Jon, good to see you, how's it hanging?"
"Good thanks, getting better. Listen can you do me a favour?"
He nodded, "Sure"
"Can you distract the TV crew I want to slip by them, I'm not ready for there questions yet?"  he lent down and hugged me, "You know me Jon, I'll do what I can for yer." his thick Irish accent, confusing Rich and the guy's, if I'm honest I only understood small bits he said too, but I was sure he would do as I asked. He took off and caught up with his band mates, while we hung back a little until he was next to face the camera crews, then we moved faster than road runner and went inside without any questions.

The venue was fancy and in true American style dressed out for an award ceremony not befitting the Oscars, I smiled to myself as we were lead to our table. We were on the middle table G which was centre to the stage, to the left there was a ramp, useful considering I was in a wheel chair, as directly in front of the table and leading to the stage were ten steps.
Dave, Teek and Rich were talking among themselves taking in the atmosphere, I too was absorbing the surroundings but making notes as to who was on our table. Michael Jackson had been honoured with a nomination and don't get me wrong he is a brilliant entertainer but when we met sometime ago, we didn't exactly hit it off, reason why I'll not go into, lets just say I was relieved to not see his name on my table or on the tables next to us.

It turned out we were sitting with Bono, Steve Tyler, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper and Cher. We were the first to arrive the others arrived in dribs and drabs shortly after.

The start of the awards, the lights dimmed and we were asked to put our hands together for the host of the evening Robin Williams. Whoops and cheers greeted him as he took to the stage.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you, I can't tell you what an honour it is for me to be here tonight to present these awards, so I won't..."immediate laughter and for ten minutes more Robin carried on building the audience, he only stopped the gags when he knew the audience were with him one hundred percent, then he began his job of presenting.

" Tonight as we all sit among music legends, there is one man that has fought harder than anyone to be here tonight,..... he has over come a near death experience, and thankfully won, so ladies and gentlemen, honoured music maestros please be upstanding and put your hands together for the one and only  Mr Jon Bon Jovi"
the spotlight hit me front and centre, my heart was beating widely in my chest, but ever the professional I just waved my arms to the camera's and the crowds who were clapping and cheering, praying that they would move on quickly. they didn't however and it carried on for what seemed like forever.
As the clapping died down and the spotlight left, I held my head down in shame, and I wished to god that I had never come, the last thing I wanted was pity and from where I was sitting that is what I was getting, the smooze and smaltz.... I turned to Richie,
"Can you get me outta here?"
he looked at me with a puzzled expression, and asked "What?"
I could not answer him loud enough as they had already starting with the presentations and the noise from the audience had hit deafening proportions, defeated I just sat back and watched the awards unfold, now praying we did not have to go on stage and accept one, now, I really did not want us to win.  

Chapter 45

As Mike took me back to my room, waiting inside was Dot and my ma.
"Hey Jon, good workout?"
I was soaked to the bone in sweat as I answered, "nah it was easy today" I scowled at them both for their stupid question.
Dot picked up on it, my ma blanked me.
"Ok Jon we were only asking, let me say sarcasm has never been your strong point. Just stick to what ya good at ok?"
Dot said it serious, with danger and an opening for me to start a fight, I decided to stay quiet, tonight was a celebration and I was sure the hell not gonna start anything least of all now.

Dot waited for a come back, but when I said nothing, she her voice softened

"I brought your suit for tonight, and some casuals, I didn't know what you wanna wear."
" Richie ain't said, can you call him and ask?"
Dot nodded and headed out to use a payphone just as Richie walked in.
Both ma, me and Dot laughed, causing Rich to turn and see who we were laughing at, "what's so funny? What I miss?"
Still laughing I  dismissed it, "it's nothing honest, private joke right ladies?" both nodded as the giggling died down. 
To move on from the laughter as Rich was looking confused and I could feel an atmosphere building, I asked "so, is it tux tonight or casual?"
"both, tux and casual."
"both? Rich, I can't change twice? It's one or the other?"
"tux then it's an award ceremony after all."
"so you think we can win?
Sure I was excited but nervous too, but I believed we had done enough to win voicing it to Richie I said it with conviction. "hell yeah, why not, we have worked hard, and we god damn deserve it, we have worked our asses off for the last two years."
Rich stood by my mom, as he answered, "Yeah, true, bro, and, harder than the other critic favourites too, if we don't, we can give um the sob story eh?" Rich was smiling but as he said it the smile faded fast... "I'm such a dumbass, that was real stupid of me, sorry, forget it Jon."

looking over at Rich, it suddenly dawned on me, were we getting this award because of what had happened to me or cause of our music.

Rich saw my expression, "Oh no, don't go down that road Jon, I said it in jest, forget it... ok?"

I nodded my head, and tried to shake it off, but in the pit of my stomach the niggle of doubt had set in. Trying to sound more cheerful than I felt I asked

 "so ya gonna help me dress?"
"sure" lifting my suit from the closet we went into my bathroom.

"You gonna want a shower right?"

"Well yeah, I aint gonna put my best tux on covered in sweat am I?"

"You want me to go fetch Mike?"

"no, you can help me Rich,"

"You sure?"

"rich, I'm showering, ok?, I can wash myself, you just need to help me stand and watch I don't slip ok?"

nodding his head he answered "Oh, ok"

stripping out of my wet training clothes, Richie let out a gasp. I looked around and at the door unsure what it was he was gasping at. Not seeing anything I asked... "What?"

"You?"

"What about me?"

"Your arms?, your chest?"

"What?"

"you been pumping iron?"

"well yeah, in a way I guess, why is something wrong?"

he stammered his reply, "n-n-n no, I'm just shocked you have built yourself up so well"

I was feeling a little self conscious having my body scrutinised." so, ya gonna stand there ogling what you wished ya had or ya gonna help me?"

moving over to my side he helped me to remove the rest of my clothes. then pushing me to the shower he helped me stand, finding my body weight and holding onto the hand rail I ran the shower and washed the sweat from my body. All washed Richie helped towel me dry, then helped me dress in my tux. just as we were leaving the bathroom he turned me to see my reflection in the mirror, staring back at me, was a thinner, but healthier looking me, I smiled at the reflection as Rich opened the door to my room and we entered. 

chapter 44

So It was all set, the awards show was in twenty four hours time, Doc had made sure I was good to go, but until the time came to leave with the guys; she warned me if there was a hint of any possible complications she would pull the plug, and I'd have to stay at rehab and see the guys; presenting and collecting the award on TV.

Not wanting to rock the boat, I just agreed and did everything I was told to,  making sure I had the best chance, to get out and away from the drone of rehab, at least to feel normal again; for a couple of hours anyway, even though I had to go in a chair.

The Doc was adamant about that. Truth be known I wasn't comfortable about it but right now I'd agree to anything.

 

Richie had left some time ago, and so had teek and Dave, and Dot had headed home with my ma, both excited about the baby, for the first time for ages I was alone, alone  with just my thoughts, thoughts where I could focus and use my brain again, for other than working to get better.

 The enormity of all I had gone through, sinking in; to reach where I am.

 

Firstly I was one lucky son of a bitch, and second, I was gonna be a pop. No matter how hard I tried I could not stop the nervous knots in the pit of my stomach from somersaulting every time I thought about the baby, then add the AMA's on top of that, and I was in awe. I tried to settle down to sleep, but my mind would not switch off, it was like a tape recorder, replaying all the best bits over and over.

Shuffling back up the bed, I reached the remote and flicked on the TV, maybe there would be something on that could distract me and make me drowsy.

 

the TV sprung to life and immediately my room was filled with voices chattering as I hopped from one channel to another. I finally settled on a old movie, and shuffled down in my bed to watch,  but I could not concentrate, the movie was good, but I just could not settle my mind to get into what was on the screen.

 

With a huge sigh I admitted defeat and clicked the set off, dropping the remote on my lap, I laid my head back and just gave in to my over active mind, praying that it would tire soon enough.

At some point I must of tired as I was being awoke by mike, letting me know the new day had arrived.

 

"morning Jon, time to wake up."

"Huh?"

"C'mon sleepy head, time to greet the day..."

I laid for a few minutes trying to focus my eye's and wake up, Mike was making himself busy getting out my work out clothes, and douche bag.

""So, you excited but tonight?"

It came back to my in a flash, the AMA's, "yeah,  we have never been the critics favourites so this is special. It proves all the pain..." Mike interrupted, " and near killing yourself was worth it?" He stood looking at me with his head on one side and a wry smile on his lips.

Wryly I smiled and answered back, "Yeah"

"well, Doc says light exercise for you only today given you are gonna have a busy day and night, so when you have had breakfast I'll be along to take you to showers ok?"

I nodded.

I watched as Mike left the room, and Teri walked in with my breakfast.  "Morning Jon, how are you feeling today?"
"Great Thanks"
"So tonight's the night huh?"
"Yeah"
"you nervous?"
"Nah, excited, its the first time my band has been nominated for an award, critics always slam us."
"Why?"
"I dunno, they would quote things, like "Jon Bon Jovi, living on his hair..." they would never look at the writing, our voices, our ability to please the fans, nope they just had to have a pop at us, but ya know what, that was ok, cause it just made me work even harder....and now, here we are."
" well, for the record, I like your music, and I am happy to admit I have a couple of your CD's in my car, The bands all cool with me."
"thanks"

After our chat Teri placed my cereal in front of me, and instructed me to eat it all, and that I know the drill by now.  then left me alone to eat, looking down at the bowl it was porridge again. The Doc was certainly gonna push me one way or another, so preparing myself I took the first spoonful and the second, and the third, and the next and the next until the bowl was empty, But looking at my tray I still had Toast and Jelly to eat and a grapefruit and coffee. Not being a big eater,  I had to pace myself and eat it in sittings.
Teri stuck her head round the door half hour later, "you done?"
"Not quite, have I really gotta eat all this? " there was still a slice of toast and the grapefruit left.
"Doc said all of it, or you aint going tonight."
"Well if I eat all this, I aint moving anywhere cause I'll be so fat, my legs won't carry me. Please?" I gave Teri my best hung dog look."
She looked at me, then moved forward to see what was left on the tray. " Ok, I'll make you a deal, finish the toast and Jelly and I'll take the rest away."
" Awe c'mon Teri, seriously?, man I'm stuffed " lifting my shirt I pointed at my swollen belly, "C'mon have a heart?"
She looked at my exposed flesh, and my hung dog expression and relented.
" ok, Just this once." then she grabbed the last piece of toast and bit into it as she took my tray away.
Reaching the door, she looked back and spoke, "fifteen minutes and Mike will be here to take you to showers." I raised my hand and nodded as she left my room and the door closed behind her.
Reaching for the remote I clicked the TV to life, hopping through the stations I settled on the Entertainment, They were talking abut the AMA's,

"Tonight, America prepares for one of the most prestigious award ceremonies, with the AMA's, top bands from all over the USA, all hoping to win an award. The top ten nominees include, Guns n roses, Aerosmith and Bon Jovi., so, who do you want to win?, Call us now on  1-800-517-8856 and  as a once in a lifetime opportunity, the network is giving away 2 tickets to the awards, so if you wanna mingle with the stars, tell us who and why your band should win and if your our caller on line one, your going"  .... "more after this break..." the commercials came on the TV just as mike called in and took me to showers, it was cheesy but I wanted to know if anyone would call in and say my band...... something I guess I would never know.