Chapter 45

As Mike took me back to my room, waiting inside was Dot and my ma.
"Hey Jon, good workout?"
I was soaked to the bone in sweat as I answered, "nah it was easy today" I scowled at them both for their stupid question.
Dot picked up on it, my ma blanked me.
"Ok Jon we were only asking, let me say sarcasm has never been your strong point. Just stick to what ya good at ok?"
Dot said it serious, with danger and an opening for me to start a fight, I decided to stay quiet, tonight was a celebration and I was sure the hell not gonna start anything least of all now.

Dot waited for a come back, but when I said nothing, she her voice softened

"I brought your suit for tonight, and some casuals, I didn't know what you wanna wear."
" Richie ain't said, can you call him and ask?"
Dot nodded and headed out to use a payphone just as Richie walked in.
Both ma, me and Dot laughed, causing Rich to turn and see who we were laughing at, "what's so funny? What I miss?"
Still laughing I  dismissed it, "it's nothing honest, private joke right ladies?" both nodded as the giggling died down. 
To move on from the laughter as Rich was looking confused and I could feel an atmosphere building, I asked "so, is it tux tonight or casual?"
"both, tux and casual."
"both? Rich, I can't change twice? It's one or the other?"
"tux then it's an award ceremony after all."
"so you think we can win?
Sure I was excited but nervous too, but I believed we had done enough to win voicing it to Richie I said it with conviction. "hell yeah, why not, we have worked hard, and we god damn deserve it, we have worked our asses off for the last two years."
Rich stood by my mom, as he answered, "Yeah, true, bro, and, harder than the other critic favourites too, if we don't, we can give um the sob story eh?" Rich was smiling but as he said it the smile faded fast... "I'm such a dumbass, that was real stupid of me, sorry, forget it Jon."

looking over at Rich, it suddenly dawned on me, were we getting this award because of what had happened to me or cause of our music.

Rich saw my expression, "Oh no, don't go down that road Jon, I said it in jest, forget it... ok?"

I nodded my head, and tried to shake it off, but in the pit of my stomach the niggle of doubt had set in. Trying to sound more cheerful than I felt I asked

 "so ya gonna help me dress?"
"sure" lifting my suit from the closet we went into my bathroom.

"You gonna want a shower right?"

"Well yeah, I aint gonna put my best tux on covered in sweat am I?"

"You want me to go fetch Mike?"

"no, you can help me Rich,"

"You sure?"

"rich, I'm showering, ok?, I can wash myself, you just need to help me stand and watch I don't slip ok?"

nodding his head he answered "Oh, ok"

stripping out of my wet training clothes, Richie let out a gasp. I looked around and at the door unsure what it was he was gasping at. Not seeing anything I asked... "What?"

"You?"

"What about me?"

"Your arms?, your chest?"

"What?"

"you been pumping iron?"

"well yeah, in a way I guess, why is something wrong?"

he stammered his reply, "n-n-n no, I'm just shocked you have built yourself up so well"

I was feeling a little self conscious having my body scrutinised." so, ya gonna stand there ogling what you wished ya had or ya gonna help me?"

moving over to my side he helped me to remove the rest of my clothes. then pushing me to the shower he helped me stand, finding my body weight and holding onto the hand rail I ran the shower and washed the sweat from my body. All washed Richie helped towel me dry, then helped me dress in my tux. just as we were leaving the bathroom he turned me to see my reflection in the mirror, staring back at me, was a thinner, but healthier looking me, I smiled at the reflection as Rich opened the door to my room and we entered. 

chapter 44

So It was all set, the awards show was in twenty four hours time, Doc had made sure I was good to go, but until the time came to leave with the guys; she warned me if there was a hint of any possible complications she would pull the plug, and I'd have to stay at rehab and see the guys; presenting and collecting the award on TV.

Not wanting to rock the boat, I just agreed and did everything I was told to,  making sure I had the best chance, to get out and away from the drone of rehab, at least to feel normal again; for a couple of hours anyway, even though I had to go in a chair.

The Doc was adamant about that. Truth be known I wasn't comfortable about it but right now I'd agree to anything.

 

Richie had left some time ago, and so had teek and Dave, and Dot had headed home with my ma, both excited about the baby, for the first time for ages I was alone, alone  with just my thoughts, thoughts where I could focus and use my brain again, for other than working to get better.

 The enormity of all I had gone through, sinking in; to reach where I am.

 

Firstly I was one lucky son of a bitch, and second, I was gonna be a pop. No matter how hard I tried I could not stop the nervous knots in the pit of my stomach from somersaulting every time I thought about the baby, then add the AMA's on top of that, and I was in awe. I tried to settle down to sleep, but my mind would not switch off, it was like a tape recorder, replaying all the best bits over and over.

Shuffling back up the bed, I reached the remote and flicked on the TV, maybe there would be something on that could distract me and make me drowsy.

 

the TV sprung to life and immediately my room was filled with voices chattering as I hopped from one channel to another. I finally settled on a old movie, and shuffled down in my bed to watch,  but I could not concentrate, the movie was good, but I just could not settle my mind to get into what was on the screen.

 

With a huge sigh I admitted defeat and clicked the set off, dropping the remote on my lap, I laid my head back and just gave in to my over active mind, praying that it would tire soon enough.

At some point I must of tired as I was being awoke by mike, letting me know the new day had arrived.

 

"morning Jon, time to wake up."

"Huh?"

"C'mon sleepy head, time to greet the day..."

I laid for a few minutes trying to focus my eye's and wake up, Mike was making himself busy getting out my work out clothes, and douche bag.

""So, you excited but tonight?"

It came back to my in a flash, the AMA's, "yeah,  we have never been the critics favourites so this is special. It proves all the pain..." Mike interrupted, " and near killing yourself was worth it?" He stood looking at me with his head on one side and a wry smile on his lips.

Wryly I smiled and answered back, "Yeah"

"well, Doc says light exercise for you only today given you are gonna have a busy day and night, so when you have had breakfast I'll be along to take you to showers ok?"

I nodded.

I watched as Mike left the room, and Teri walked in with my breakfast.  "Morning Jon, how are you feeling today?"
"Great Thanks"
"So tonight's the night huh?"
"Yeah"
"you nervous?"
"Nah, excited, its the first time my band has been nominated for an award, critics always slam us."
"Why?"
"I dunno, they would quote things, like "Jon Bon Jovi, living on his hair..." they would never look at the writing, our voices, our ability to please the fans, nope they just had to have a pop at us, but ya know what, that was ok, cause it just made me work even harder....and now, here we are."
" well, for the record, I like your music, and I am happy to admit I have a couple of your CD's in my car, The bands all cool with me."
"thanks"

After our chat Teri placed my cereal in front of me, and instructed me to eat it all, and that I know the drill by now.  then left me alone to eat, looking down at the bowl it was porridge again. The Doc was certainly gonna push me one way or another, so preparing myself I took the first spoonful and the second, and the third, and the next and the next until the bowl was empty, But looking at my tray I still had Toast and Jelly to eat and a grapefruit and coffee. Not being a big eater,  I had to pace myself and eat it in sittings.
Teri stuck her head round the door half hour later, "you done?"
"Not quite, have I really gotta eat all this? " there was still a slice of toast and the grapefruit left.
"Doc said all of it, or you aint going tonight."
"Well if I eat all this, I aint moving anywhere cause I'll be so fat, my legs won't carry me. Please?" I gave Teri my best hung dog look."
She looked at me, then moved forward to see what was left on the tray. " Ok, I'll make you a deal, finish the toast and Jelly and I'll take the rest away."
" Awe c'mon Teri, seriously?, man I'm stuffed " lifting my shirt I pointed at my swollen belly, "C'mon have a heart?"
She looked at my exposed flesh, and my hung dog expression and relented.
" ok, Just this once." then she grabbed the last piece of toast and bit into it as she took my tray away.
Reaching the door, she looked back and spoke, "fifteen minutes and Mike will be here to take you to showers." I raised my hand and nodded as she left my room and the door closed behind her.
Reaching for the remote I clicked the TV to life, hopping through the stations I settled on the Entertainment, They were talking abut the AMA's,

"Tonight, America prepares for one of the most prestigious award ceremonies, with the AMA's, top bands from all over the USA, all hoping to win an award. The top ten nominees include, Guns n roses, Aerosmith and Bon Jovi., so, who do you want to win?, Call us now on  1-800-517-8856 and  as a once in a lifetime opportunity, the network is giving away 2 tickets to the awards, so if you wanna mingle with the stars, tell us who and why your band should win and if your our caller on line one, your going"  .... "more after this break..." the commercials came on the TV just as mike called in and took me to showers, it was cheesy but I wanted to know if anyone would call in and say my band...... something I guess I would never know.

 

 

Chapter 43

Mike came and got me and we headed to take a shower I had a new purpose in my life. I was going to fight to get better and back on my feet. I was going to take my meds without arguing I was going to eat everything they gave me. I was going to fight tooth and nail to get back to the man I was. My life would change but for the better. I was going to make sure I was there for my son or daughter. I was going to be well and be able to do things with my child. I got my shower and headed out to do my physical therapy. I worked hard for a couple hours not arguing or putting up a fuss when it came to moving along the bars. I wanted to go home soon.

I was headed back to my room when Richie and the guys arrived. They looked a bit worried like something was up. They also had an envelope with them. “hey.. “ I looked at them as I set in the chair by the window. “what's up...” I hadn't been watching tv I was concentrating on my lunch. Dot sat next to me eating her own lunch.

Richie set the envelope. “we got a call today … Jon we are up for a couple awards at the AMA's... New Jersey is up for album of the year and we are up for Band ...” He fiddled with the envelope. “they want us there also to present. ..” He set in the chair by me. “I know you're doing better man but we have to talk to your doctors about this first “

I sat in my chair looking at them. Nominated presenting award shows that just didn't seem to resonate in my head. I hadn't even thought about any award shows coming up and granted I had been far too sick to even think on the Grammy's when they were happening. At the time I was struggling to stay alive. I looked at Dot thinking on this I wanted to go sure I did but presenting and all the hullabaloo that would be in an award show the after parties the sitting with the rest of the audience. I knew my doctor might not approve it and he had the last say though I could probably leave if I wanted to. I caught Dot looking right at me like she could read my mind. I gave her a sheepish grin.

“don't even THINK it Jon.... if she says no then you ain't going … “ She stated firmly. “now don't you have something to tell the boys...” She raised her eyebrow at me.

I blushed sometimes it was weird having her able to know what I was thinking before I said it. I nodded turning to the guys with a big shit ass grin on my face. “Congratulate me guys … I am going to be a dad...” the room erupted in yells and hoots and hollers bringing my doctor into the room. My ears turned red as the guys hugged me. “Hey Doc....”

“Jon is everything alright in here... “ She stood there with her hands holding a clipboard. She hadn't been in much to see me unless it was to check my weight or how my vitals were. She moved in closer.

“yeah Doc everything’s fine ...” I shrugged. I looked at the guys then back at her. “just letting the guys know the good news...” Richie looked at me then at the envelope. “uhm Doc … can I talk to you a minute...” She nodded and sat down. “see we I just got nominated for a couple awards at the American Music awards … and they want us to present...” I rushed this all out in one sentence.

Doctor Kohn frowned “when is this ?”

“uhm .. next week... on Tuesday ...” Richie admitted. “Look I know Jon's getting back on his feet and everything...” he was cut off.

“we will see.. but if he does go … there will have to be conditions for the day pass one of them will be you'll have to use a wheelchair Jon your still not strong enough to handle all that much walking... you are doing better but we don't want you to end up setting yourself backwards.... also you are going to have to be careful …because of the meds you take no alcohol and have to watch to make sure you are not in contact with anyone who's got a cold or sick...”

Tico frowned “anyone?”

“yeah … Teek... the immune meds so I don't reject the kidney knocks it down .. so I could get sick.. and be back in the hospital so fast it'd make my head spin..” I stated quietly surprising Doctor Kohn.

Chapter 42

I sat stunned into silence by what Dot announced, well over the bombshell she dropped. blinking my eye's over and over taking it in, in total disbelief, and feeling like a complete ass I asked, "your pregnant?"
"Yeah I am, or should I say we are Jon... doesn't that seem more important than getting wound up over your pop doing the right thing and getting justice for what Doc and Manning did to you and others?, I think its called prioritising..." I loved Dot with all my heart and she had a way with her to make me see things the way they should be seen.
"I'm angry right  now with you too Jon, and I'm pissed so bad.."
perplexed I asked "Why?"
"because I did not want to tell you like that, I wanted to tell you the news so we could enjoy it together, but when you get pissy, I had to do something to get you to focus..."
My mom, who was sat on the chair over the far side, had tears in her eye's, Dot moved over to her, "Hey ma, I am sorry for blurting it out like that," my ma smiled at Dot and just got up and hugged her real close, no words being spoken, but they shared a moment together as mother and daughter. I felt left out, and in many ways I was. I had to break in to their moment.
"Babe, when did you find out?"
Dot turned from my mom and looked at me, her brown eye's moist with tears she had shared with my mom,
"today, I saw Dr Gardia and she confirmed it..."
"why did you not say something before?"
"because I wanted to be sure first,"
I was so happy I could not stop smiling, I was going to be a daddy, Dottie and I were pregnant. "It's nice to see you smile, I had forgotten how gorgeous your smile is."
I took her hand, and raised it to my lips and gently kissed the back of her hand, my lips lingering over her knuckles ever so slightly and blowing warm air and some kisses to each of them too. our eye's met, and I knew no matter what we faced, we would always be together forever, Dot was a strong intelligent woman and she had no fear about losing me to the fans, and that was one of the sexiest things about her, she never needed me, and didn't need me, I guess that was why I loved her and what kept me on the straight and narrow, and now, she had given me the most wonderful gift another human can give another, she was giving me our child, our child that we had made together, the ultimate show of love as man and woman, could life get any better?. Dot was right, my exaggeration and erratic behaviour over my pop was of no importance, now I was given even more to focus on and to work hard at being released from rehab, I had my wife and unborn child waiting and needing me, starting tomorrow, I was gonna push myself harder than ever before.
Raising my eye's to the ceiling, in silent prayer I thanked god for everything....
"So are you with us?"
bringing my eye's back down I focused on Dot and my ma, "Yeah, sorry, I was just thanking god for everything, every now and then it does not hurt to say thank you, does it?"
both nodded in agreement, and Dot added, and for what your pop and Richie has done too. Yeah, they had risked a lot, again for me, jeez I really had been one stubborn stupid piece of ass. I knew tomorrow was gonna be a new day, and a fresh start for all of us, starting with the news to tell Richie and an apology for everything I had put him and my band mates through. When I saw my pop too, I was gonna tell him to remove the animity he had gotten agreed, hell if they wanted me to give evidence I would. right now I could take on the world and win, nothing could stop me the way I was feeling.
The baby news had me fired and I wanted to share the news publicly, I asked Dot, I was ready to schedule a meeting with my publicist and have it announced from the top of the empire state building, but Dot may have other idea's.  trying to sound casual I asked, "So, can we make a public announcement?"
"you want the world to know?"
"Hell yeah, I do... this is just the most amazing day in my life... our lives, don't you wanna share it? "
smiling she replied," look I don't mind our friends and family knowing, but lets leave the rest of the world in the dark until we have our baby, then we can really celebrate eh, time is still young.."
No arguments, she was right, "so we can tell the guys in the band and Richie right?"
she nodded her head.
Terri came back into my room, "Well Jon, you seem in a much better mood, no more frowning, your wife is good medicine for you, that's for sure..."
I looked at Dot, she shook her head, " yeah, I've just been given the most fantastic news ever, and lets just say, starting tomorrow, well I am gonna work harder than ever to get myself outta here, any meals will all be eaten, I need to bulk my strength for what lies ahead for me..." grinning like a cat that got the cream, Terri looked at me puzzled, but smiled and nodded as she answered. "Great, make sure you keep that focus... Mike will be here in ten to get you to the showers... ok?"  this time I nodded.
There was just one more thing I wanted before Terri and the guy's called visiting time to an end with my family, I asked.. "Dot, will you come lay here with me, .... on the bed, I so need to hold you right now?"
she smiled and walked over and climbed on the bed next to me, she slid her arms around my side, and laid her head on my chest, and I just wrapped my arms around her, wanting to protect her forever, she felt so good in my arms, I never wanted to let her go. My ma came over too and sat in the day chair next to us, she laid a protective hand on us both. That's how we stayed until Mike came in  to take me to the showers.

Chapter 41

I gave my mom the stink eye, and sat up in bed glaring at her. when Dot came back with coffee, the atmosphere was heavy. She looked at me then my mom, "ok, what's going on?"
I was definitely heading for a fight, I needed to free my mind and show them once and for all, I was not a little kid that needed wrapping in cotton wool.
"good question, I was gonna ask you the same thing?"
Dot looked at me questioning my abrupt outburst, then spoke, "what's with the stink eye and the questions Jon?"
"your asking me, like you have no idea why I'm pissed?"
"well if I'm asking you, its because I don't know"
"well, why not think?"
"whoa there, have I don't something wrong?"
Dot was frowning and trying to figure what it was she had done wrong, maybe I was being unreasonable, but I could not help myself.
"c'mon Dot think, its not like there's so many things going on that could piss me off?"
"now that's a statement that is laughable, with you, there's more things to piss you off than not, so you gonna tell me, or is my whole visit going to revolve around stupid questions and guessing games?"
This time Dot gave me the stink eye.
I was fidgeting in bed, a sure sign when I'm pissed off, if I had been fit I would have been pacing the room, but my body was not strong enough to do that yet.
"so, you know nothing about my dad and Doc McGhee and Manning, and the court house?... no?"
"Yeah, what of it?"
her nonchalant reply stoked the anger inside me further... "Don't you think I should the fuck have been told?"
"Yeah right, when you were fighting for your life, what a good decision..."
The sarcasm was apparent,
"I did not say while I was fighting for my life, but that has been over for months, I've been in rehab for four months for god sake, Dot, when the fuck were you gonna tell me?, or were you not going to like my over protective ma eh?"
This time, dot paced the room, then looked me straight in the eye and moved in close as she spoke,
"Question for you darling husband?" Her tone was menacing, and I kinda shirked back against the pillows, I knew I had gone to far...
"While you were on tour, and Doc and Manning were pumping your body full of drugs, when did you ever give a moments thought to me, at home? eh?, Ill tell you when Jon, fucking NEVER, that's why your life has been hanging by a thread, that's why me, Richie, your mom, pop have been to hell and back on this roller coaster of your rock lifestyle, and you ask a lame fucking question as to when and if I was gonna tell you about Doc and Manning? grow some balls jon., man up...oh and by the way, Our one night of passion when I stayed over here, well I'm three months pregnant..."

Chapter 40

"Did you see that?"
"See what?"
"Ma, pa on screen, he just walked into the court house... what the fuck..."
I was sitting up bolt right unable to digest what I had seen.
"Well I didn't see, but hey, It's no good guessing Jon, wait until you see your folks then ask him..."
lost in my own thoughts, what Rich has said hardly registered, until I became aware of someone saying my name over and over, "Jon?" Richie and Terri had been calling my name over and over,
I looked up and saw Terri standing there, " Hello, welcome back... So are you gonna eat your meal, or do I have to feed it too you?"
for the second time I looked down at my meal, I managed a weak smile and answered, "I'll eat it, and I'll do it now boss...."
"ok, make sure you do, I will be back in half an hour and I want to see that plate clean."
I smiled, and picked up my fork and began to eat as Terri left my room.
Lifting the spaghetti and meatballs onto my fork I took the first mouthful, I was amazed at how good it tasted and how hungry I was, within minutes the plate was clean, and bemused Richie sat and watched.
"What's so funny?"
"You, the image of a scoop digger springs to mind, watching you shovel in your food." laughing he continued "Seriously man, its good to see you eat..."
Sheepishly I replied "Thanks"
After watching the news, I flicked through the channels but nothing else caught my interest, so I clicked the set to standby. relaxing my arms and dropping the control on the bed, I exhaled a large sigh.
Richie moved from the window ledge and came and sat next to me on the day chair. putting his arm on mine he asked, "You ok?, I know hearing about Manning and Doc is a shock, .... but well it had to be done man, they deserve everything that the law can throw at them, did you know that Doc was smuggling drugs too?"
"what?," for the second time I was stunned by what I heard, first the news channel and now Richie dropping another bomb.
"seriously, you didn't know?"
"How the fuck could I know?, what are you an agent or something for the CIA?"
"Bro, you are saying you never noticed the trips?, the secret packages?, fuck when your in Jovi land you sure are zoned out..."
"Whoa there?, one second, because I did not notice the shit you do, does not mean I am "Zoned out" I focus,... that's all...."
I hung my head, feeling more and more like a failure. Rich had spoke a few to many home truths tonight and it had set me to thinking and figuring I was lot to blame here.
"Jon...Jon..., JON..."
I looked up, "You ok?"
I nodded and hung my head down again.
"no, hang on here, don't do this..."
looking up I replied, "Do what?"
"Go start blaming yourself..."
"I'm not, I wasn't...."
"Oh you so are too, man I know you to well, just stop already... this aint your gig Jon...."
Richie's flow was stopped as into the room walked Dottie and my ma.
After the pleasantries of how well I was looking, Richie excused himself and took off for home.
"until tomorrow bro, and think on what I've said ok?"   But he left the elephant in the room.
I raised my hand in salute and nodded as he walked out of my room.
My ma witnessed Richie's departure and asked, " what have you to think on?"  "Oh, nothing ma, just about rehab and next stage that's all.." she lent in towards me and kissed my cheek, but eyed me suspiciously. Dottie sat in the day chair next to my bed and kissed me and sat holding my hand. "You look good baby, is it hard going?"
"Hell yeah, its like being at a boot camp.. but it's all good.." I flexed my arms, " see building my muscles.." I gave a smile too. she smiled back at me, then looking at ma, she asked, you wanna coffee ma?" she nodded, dot got up and left to get them a drink, looking back over her shoulder she asked, " you want anything babe?" I shook me head. "I'm good thanks..."
"So Johnny, what's on your mind?,"
"nothing ma, I'm fine..."
"Really, I'm not buying that, your mind is not here with us, so come on give, before Dot gets back..."
"Ma, it's nothing really, I'm fine..."
"Jon, don't try to kid a kidder, I'm your mom I know you too well... " softening her voice she sat next to me and placed her hand on my arm..."Please tell me?"
I exhaled a large sigh, and relented and asked... "What was pa doing at the court room, I saw him on the TV..."
I studied her face and watched her reaction, without a flinch she replied, " he was there to see the jury sworn in."
"They let the public in to witness that?"
"Yeah they do, your pa wants justice for what's happened to you son, don't be mad..."
"I aint mad, just stunned I'm only hearing about it all now,  how come no one told me before..."
"How could we tell you when you were semi comatose?, you think you would have understood it all?"
"Maybe, maybe not, that's something we will never know... I guess, but you could have told me after the operation? why not then?"
"my mom hung her head this time, "son, I just don't know, its not like we wanted to keep it from you, we, just wanted you strong and well enough before we told you..."
"And when would that have been ma? yuh? you guy's have always been to over protective of me, since I was a little kid... be honest, If I had not asked today, would you have ever told me?"
My ma looked at me, hurt on her face,  but when she spoke it was with a determination in her voice.
" You know Jon, when you are a parent, there are no instructions on what to do, and how best to do it. You use your gut, and go and do with whatever feels right,.....and I for one, am not going to apologise to you for looking after your well being, if you think that is being over protective then I am happy that is how you see it, from where I'm standing, it means I have been successful in my job as mom. and for the record, no, if I did not have to tell you, I wouldn't have."

"But, ma, I had a right to know, I'm a man, not a kid. can you not see that?"
Blue eyes, met blue eyes, "Jon, when you have kids of your own, ask yourself the same question, and then answer it and see." She moved off the bed and headed out of the room, going to see the Dr's no doubt, I sat there alone thinking on all she had said.

 Deep Inside my gut, I knew what my mom said was true, but I felt like they had not stopped for one second to consider how I would feel about all this when I got to hear....truth is, I did not know what I was feeling, confusion, bewilderment, hurt, betrayal, dishonesty.... and bizarrely love, love that my family and brother cared about me enough to make sure our ex manager and the one person he hired to oversee my well being was brought to trial for justice to be done.... but I could not shake the irk and anger that was inside. I was guessing but sure that Dot knew too, it was going to be a very uncomfortable conversation but one I had to have with my wife when she got back.

Chapter 39

Getting back to my room, I ached all over, Teri and the team had not joked when they said it was gonna be a full on session. honestly, even though my body ached, it felt good. I was working at getting myself back to a good health and a good place mentally. All the blocks were now falling into place.

Easing my body back on to the bed, Teri asked, "Want the TV on?"  I nodded my head, Richie had gone to get a drink and a bite to eat and to grab a newspaper.

For eight months I had not really had any interest in the outside world, well that and being way to sick; but now I had a hunger to know everything, it was as if my life was just starting and I had a thirst for knowledge like never before.

Anyone that knows me, will tell you I did not do well at school barely scraping by. I never went to college, I don't have any degree's. Fact; music was my college and the road, on tour was my teacher, that is all I had ever wanted to do, and until eight months ago was all I had done, but Richie and I were making plans for Bon Jovi and we were gonna come back bigger and better than before, we had managed to fill three notebooks with songs that would be our new anthem catalogue of the future.

The Tv sprung to life, Teri passed me the remote control as she left to go get my evening meal. Some soap opera was on, so I flicked through the stations settling on the news channel. Talk about fuel cost increases, and mortgages being hard to get and unobtainable for the first time purchasers, then a headline that got my attention one hundred percent.

"THE JURY HAVE BEEN SWORN IN TODAY AS THE CASE AGAINST DOC MCGHEE - BON JOVI'S FOMER MANAGER AND DR GEORGE MANNING STARTS ON THURSDAY...THEY ARE BOTH BEING CHARGED WITH STEROID ABUSE, AND MANNING WITH MURDER OF THE AMERICAN ATHLETE THAT DIED IN SAREJAVO DURING THE OLYMPICS IN 1981"

"What the fuck?" I could not believe what I was seeing. Terri came back into the room and placed my meal on the tray.
"a nice meal for you tonight Jon, spaghetti and meat balls" I blanked her my mind thinking on what I had just watched on the news.
Barley acknowledging the meal, I asked " have you see this shit about manning and my former manager?"
she nodded, yeah its been on the news for months, it's all anyone has talked about. there was talk about your old manager being charged with steroid abuse and that he killed someone famous." Terri spoke matter of fact as she went about folding things and tidying up my room, then she left me with my meal and the TV.
my head was in a whirl as I was trying to piece it all together in my mind.
Talking to myself, "What in the fuck...." just as Richie walked back into my room, eating his sandwich, and reading the paper.
"Jon, what's wrong?"
"Have you seen this?"
"Seen what?"
"about what, manning, McGhee?"
he held his head down, then turned it to the side as he answered, "Yeah, kinda..."
"Kinda?"
"Yeah, your mom and pop asked me not to say anything."
"Why?, I aint a child? Talk to me Rich? what's going on?"
Rich tried changing the subject, ummm that looks tasty, better than my sandwich..."
"Rich, please..."
reluctantly he took a perch on the window sill and started to explain everything, I sat in silence listening as he spoke. I could not believe everything I was hearing, at the end I spoke,
"So this has been going on since I was admitted to hospital all those months ago?, and really its all cause of me they are in court?"
Richie, just nodded.
Shock and realisation sunk in real slow., I knew most of the answers but I asked them anyway.
"So, you told my pop, he went to see Doc and made him squeal right?"
Again Richie nodded his head.
"Why could you have not just left things alone Rich?"
He looked at me shocked I had said the last sentence, "Why?, why the fuck do you think man, you were dying?, your mom and pop were all over the place, the dialysis and shit, don't ya dare lay blame at my door Jon. You parents wanted, no needed answers and they asked me, so I told. and no what, I am glad I did, that low life piece of shit deserve everything that is coming to them."
Rich spoke with a venom in his voice I had never heard, I sat in silence. Digesting it all and thinking about everything I had heard.
Terri walked back in the door, "Jon, you have not eaten your meal?, it will be cold..."
Breaking my thoughts I looked at the meal still sitting on the tray totally un touched.
"Ummm sorry, I aint really hungry."
"no good Jon, you have to eat something, orders is orders...I'll go warm it up and be back ok"
I nodded at her, Rich now sat with his back to me, looking out over the grounds. I owed Rich my life.
In that minute I felt real bad for my outburst.
"Rich,"
"Yeah" he answered but still not look at me....
"Don't make me come over there Sambora..."
this time he turned round and was smiling... "Yeah shorty, you think ya can?"
"Yeah, I can..." we were both laughing, the tension broke. "Listen bro, I'm sorry, it's just hearing about it all, well, it kinda shocked me, ya know?"
he nodded his head, "Yeah, I guess it is, but I was just doing as I had been asked. Until you were well enough they did not want you stressing about it."
"so, have I gotta go give evidence?"
"no, your pop saw to it that you would be kept out of it."
I was shocked to hear that, "he did?"
"Yeah, he gave the detective everything he had and struck a deal that you would be left out if it, I don't know how it was agreed, but it was, your dad's statement and his evidence and the Dr's has been enough."
"But they know its about me right?"
"eh huh, they will only know you as Mr X"

I hit the volume on the TV as the reported continued with the headline. "Dr George Manning and Doc McGhee, were  not in the dock and present as the jury was sworn in, but when the trial starts on Thursday, they will be present through the whole trial. Lawyer, Rod Pickering, acting for Manning had this to say. "My client is a victim of circumstance, and it will be proven he is innocent. Thank you" His hand then raised as he walked by the waiting press and photographers, then out of the blue a picture of my pop on the screen, my heart skipped a beat as I watched. he was in the background and I watched as he entered the court room, the press and photographers oblivious to his presence and who he was.... but I had to know, what the fuck was my pop doing there?